Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Leveling the Board

So you were bored at work and clicking around the internet and you ended up here. Maybe you were REAL bored and decided to read the Wizard's Tower Wednesday article because that's better than working right? (or maybe not, maybe your job is much more doper than mine) Well here we are on week three with new ideas and tips to add on to your scrapped up tower of shame.

Let's talk about removal.

At what point did someone decide they needed this picture taken?
Wizards Tower is all about having fun and doing hilarious things with a bunch of your friends in your mom's basement. However, it's hard to have fun when 3 people are shoving so many creature down your throat that you're about to poop out an X/X elemental equal to the number of creatures shoved this way. Everyone on the board is drinking and laughing and your trying to hold back the tears as your 0/1 homunculus tries to stop as much damage as possible.

This is my not subtle way of hinting that this card is silly in wizard's tower without giving it it's own article.

This situation can happen a lot and to a lot of people whenever you play Wizard's Tower, and depending on how big of assholes your friends are, you'll want lots of removal. You'll especially want lots of board wipes. There's no greater feeling than being the reason to reset the board and cause the game to go another 2 hours. Sure a simple board wipe will level the game and for the most part put everyone back about equal, but in the spirit of Wizards Tower the best removal is the weirdest and most fun.

Artist's depiction of me trying to cook
Tragic Arrogance is probably my favorite piece of removal for Wizards Tower. Not only does it essentially wipe the board but it gives you all the control. The downside to Tragic Arrogance is that it's really hard to hide how erect you are when your standing over the table picking what lives and what dies. All that power could really go to your head (do you get it? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?)

If we take a step back to the card you just played, it's really a beautiful card. It not only allows you to keep your best creature but it allows you force them to get rid of all their good stuff. If they had universal enchantments that you liked such as Dictate of Kruphix, you can make sure they keep that so you still get it's benefits. This puts you back in the game but also does so in a way that is fun for everyone and levels the board with starting back at the beginning with a bunch of mana.

Pow! Right in the large intestines
Now I don't have a huge Magic knowledge base, so I won't try and say that there are no good board wipes but most any board wipe you could put in a wizards tower will functionally level the playing field. There is definitely bad removal. Like this card. This card is bad removal. It will get turned into a land every time and it will get played as a land so fast that you won't even have time to wipe the cheetos dust off your fingers. Early game it might do something, but late game this won't do anything. You wan't removal that is more universal and can be played at any time. If you are building a budget Wizards Tower and this is the only removal you have I will mail you better removal so you can actually play a fun game (I guess potentially if you're playing budget, most of your creatures may actually be power 3 or less.) 

Removal is like the condom of Magic: always have it and always use it. This may not be the best analogy since you'll never actually need a condom. Removal is like your waifu: always have it and always make sure it's in your tower.



Boardwiping a stalled out board is like being that guy who shows up to a party at 1 am with several full cases of beer, and kicks out the assholes who were running the beerpong table for too long. With boardwipes, you too can be a party hero for the first time ever.

Want to share your start Wizards Tower? Want more ideas for removal? Share your hopes and dreams with us in the comments, or by sending us an email with the shitty form on the sidebar.

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