Revolt Tower Wednesday

Don't be a sheeple and conform to consulate standards. Revolt!

Well it's been a long time since we've had a Wizard's Tower Wednesday and since we have a new set that we haven't talked about, it is way past time we tell you what great cards to now add to your Wizard's Tower. Also I'm sure you'll read this on Thursday since it's being posted late but just know it was Wednesday when it was written so it still counts. Aether Revolt was a super fun set to play both in pre-release and in the Star City Games Open in Columbus. It has provided a lot of good cards and a lot of not so good cards that could find a loving home in your tower.

Some of you may be returning readers (all 4 of you) and if so skip on down to the "card analysis" and see what cards you may have pulled that could be good for this format. For those of you who have managed to misclick your way here, and aren't sure what Wizard's Tower is check out our first article that goes into detail about the format and gives you some starting ideas on what to put in your initial tower. If you are really lost and don't know what Magic the Gathering is, then you are beyond helping. Or I guess you could just google it and come back here if it piques your interest...

Turns out the secret to a second life is a second set of hands

Everytime I think I'm going to build a new deck archetype Wizard's decides to print something like this and I just want to try Black/White lifegain again. This card seems super fun but will be really hard to work into a standard deck effectively. All anyone has to do is kill this before killing you and you still lose. This is still a problem in Wizard's Tower but there will be less focused removal so you'll be more likely to go back to your starting life total. If you've ever wanted to double the time it takes to play a game of Wizard's Tower then this card is perfect. It's also a 5/5 flyer and although it's a little expensive you can still do some damage with it. It will definitely be a fun card to add to your tower.

Better than a hidden sock pile *badum tss*

This card also seems like a lot of fun because there are always permanents leaving the battlefield in this format. Between constant boardwipes and bounce spells and just general destruction and chaos this card will get you some value. You'll get a servo at the end of everyone of your end steps and if for some reason you won't get a servo naturally, you can just sacrifice a creature to scry and then get a servo anyways. This is a just a nice quaint enchantment that you can use as an almost infinite servo to scry machine if you play your cards right. Me? I never play my cards right and end up with 2 lands and no creatures on turn 12. "What do you do with all of your cards in hand?" Sire of Insanity.

Brought to you by the people who created Slap Chop and Shamwow

Hangarback Walker's younger brother with a little more siege equipment could find a lovely storage place in your Wizard's Tower. This card is nice and balanced for this format. Even late game it won't be unmanageable. And any time you have extra mana you can resupply your ballista to get ready for magical combat. The best part about this creature is that not matter what someone does to get rid of it, you can just remove all the +1/+1 counters in response and either kill some creature or send a message to whoever is trying to hurt your beautiful giant walking crossbow. This is a fun and balanced card that can only enhance your tower playing experience. The only thing that would be better is if you had a walking trebuchet.

I'm really not 100% sure what's happening here so it's hard to make a funny caption

Any sort of removal will always be good in Wizard's Tower, but removal like this will be better. Your opponent may have a giant threat on board that you need to deal with but what things will they get as a replacement? Will they get better or worse things? Do you use this on your own shitty creature to try and luck into a better one? How long is cheese good for after being left out and should I have eaten it? I won't call this a boardwipe because it isn't, but it gives you a lot of freedom to change the board to your liking. You can get rid of multiple threats at the cost of potential different threats, but you can just deal with that when those happen. I'll tell you right now that you should always play this card but it will never work out in your favor.

Ajani hates nets because as a young cub he got caught in a paper bag once and almost died

If you want to break up your friend group but aren't sure how to do so, just throw this card into your Wizard's Tower. When that moment finally comes where someone draws a boardwipe and is ready to clear the board and start anew, you just bust out this bad boy and ruin all friendships. Not only are will your creatures not die, but they also won't be able to target them with anything after. It's a good card but it's not over powered, it will just sway the game in favor of whoever played it. That's ok though, because sometimes you need that in order to wrap a game up anyways. If you have this in your deck, just always have a counterspell ready. Or even better use Insidious Will to just copy this and keep all of your creatures alive as well.

I remember from Literature class the first sentence of your final paragraph is supposed to restate all of your thoughts, so in conclusion: I like Wizard's Tower, I'm bad at Magic, bad cards make good Tower components, I like cereal but not 2 week old cheese, and above all, I am a Heavy Salami. I'd apologize for lack of content but sometimes we can't write about Magic because we have to go play Magic. We went to the Aether Revolt prerelease and then the weekend after was the Colombus Open sponsored by Star City Games. Rather than write stuff we built decks and did testing with them for the open. We obviously lost but we had a lot of fun. Now that Magic events have slowed down a bit expect more writing. Bye bye for now friends!





Already put Aether Revolt cards in your Tower? Get some sweet pulls during pre-release? Seen any good movies on Netflix lately? Send us a message or leave a comment and let us know. Also if you hate reading but like funny things feel free to follow us on twitter @Heavy_Salami where we say things in 140 characters or less. We also have a Twitch channel that we like to broadcast our Tuesday Night Standard games and do terrible commentary on it so check that out at twitch

Be the Commander of Your Tower

They call me Admiral Fridge Unicorn because I'm fresh and magical

So the Commander product came out some weeks ago and I'm super late to party on this, but let's talk about the commanders as they might fit into Wizard's Tower. We could talk about how cool the new four color commanders are because they are four colors and they are cool, but I'm so under-qualified to talk about Commander. "Don't you mean unqualified?" Well probably that too, but I feel like I'm right on the verge of qualifications. I just need to pass my Commander test which consists of building a non-shit Commander deck. It's going to be a long time before I pass though because I just built Book Tribal which you can check out here. But let's get back to the format that matters: Wizard's Tower! If you're wondering why you would put one of the five Commanders in your Tower rather than actually play it as a Commander well let me answer your question with another question: Why do they think they give you and oversized Commander in addition to a regular size one? So the regular one can go in your Tower. I know this because Wizard's is my dad.

It's been some time so just in case you forgot what Wizard's Tower is or wondered over here and have never heard of this format, check out our introduction article

The biggest issue with four color cards is that they have better effects at a 4 CMC with the downside being you might struggle to get all four colors. In other games you also may miss land drops potentially making these cards more difficult to play. That is not the case in Wizard's tower. You have all colors you ever need, and you will only miss a land drop if you choose to do so. This means that 4 color cards (as few as there may be) can be a difficult fit in this format.

We'll start with the best and most fitting commander for Wizard's Tower. This one is an obvious yes and should be put in your Wizard's Tower yesterday.

"I thought you said the statues were big. I don't see them" "You're not even looking in the right place."

 So even before effects, this card is a 2/8 for 4 with no keywords which makes this card annoying but not broken at 4 cost. You probably won't be able to swing at anybody who has this on the field, but this also probably won't do a whole lot of damage to you. Now once you add the group hug effect that this has, it still doesn't make this card broken. Everyone benefits from it's ability so people may not even want this off the board. Whoever controls it gets a bonus because they get the card draw and extra land but even opponents at least get one. It will be difficult to get damage through with this on board but most removal will get rid of this easily and it won't give you any advantages that are too out of control. So does this go in? Verdict: Yes.

"Are you eating enough? You're all skin and etherium!" - Breya's Grandma...probably

Whether this card is okay or not to put in your Tower is a little dependent on what else is in your tower. If you have a normal Tower with just a combination of cards that seem fun then this card will be an okay addition. If you decided to theme out your Tower and did an artifact theme, this card is too good. A 4/4 for 4 with two 1/1 fliers is pretty good, but again is manageable for your opponents. Add in the pay 2 sacrifice 2 effect and that makes her better but if all you have is the two thopters then you're just trading two creatures for some other benefit. Whoever controls this may also control more artifacts at some point that they can use as fuel to get the etherium fire burning, but unless you have an artifact heavy tower you should be fine. This is a card you can put in and if more times than not it's broken because you just happen to have a lot of artifacts, then you can either pull artifacts out or pull this out. Verdict: Probably yes.

If this hits the board you best praetor the gods

Let's start off the same way with this card as we did the others. At it's base it is a 4/4 with flying, vigilance, deathtouch, and lifelink for 4. That's not a great start because dropping this on turn four puts you at a significant advantage for a long time. No one can attack you because you have a giant death touch machine and when this finally loses summoning sickness, you can swing in to gain life which doesn't even tap it down so you still have a terrifying four armed spooky wall. It also just flies over everything because fuck you, why not? It is indeed an angel horror. Oh what's that? There is more to this card? Ah yes, at your end step proliferate. This effect again could be very hit or miss depending on how your tower is built but I know in mine, even without a lot of counter synergy I have a lot of cards that do use counters. Things like Otherworld Atlas, Nature's Panoply, Zombie Butcher, Experiment Kraj, Orochi Hatchery, anything with evolve, and so on. I feel there is just too much possibility for things to get out of control for one person and this is coming from someone who once lit a firecracker while unsupervised. I was 24 at the time but you can see what I mean about me getting out of control. All of this is brought to you by the letter "H" for verdict: Hell no.

Great in combat, but a terrible driver

In Commander and Wizard's Tower both, I don't really try to win as fast as I can. I save that for other formats. It doesn't work in other formats, but I sure try to win fast...or at all really. I like Saskia but my issue with her for Commander and Wizard's tower both, is that as soon as she hits the field, you make an enemy. I like to stay neutral until the very end when I know I can just kill everyone in one final swoop. Let's backtrack though. At it's base it is a 3/4 vigilance and haste for 4. I would still say that is manageable to fight against. With no trample you can chump it forever and with no first strike you can just throw multiple creatures in front of it to get rid of it. It's good but killable. The effect of the card also seems manageable. It might be a little too good but would need some play testing to see for sure. The effect can either give you double damage on a single player or give damage to two players, one of which can't block it. This effect will put you in the lead, but also turns you into the biggest threat on the board. Since that's the case, all hate will be turned on you and anyone who can kill this will try to do so. Verdict: Probably yes.

Turns out he just named his stone axe "Maelstrom"

Cascade is probably my favorite keyword in all of Magic. The keyword is also great for Wizard's Tower assuming it's not on some broken card. Ardent Plea and Captured Sunlight are perfect examples of cards with cascade that are a perfect fit in a Tower. Yidris is not. Again, at it's base it is a 5/4 trample for 4. Other than Atraxa, that is probably the best base stats out of the 5 of these. Or it's not. I'm really just guessing. Either way, they are solid base stats. Now whenever he does damage everything you cast has cascade. That is the broken-est effect of the 5 in Wizard's Tower. How about I play this and then next turn I swing in and you block but still take damage because trample? Great! Now how about I cascade Terastadon? I get to cast the first thing under 8 CMC off the top of the library? That's probably everything. I realize this is one of the worse scenarious, but what if I just casting three 3 CMC cards in main phase two and cascade three times? That also seems really good. I love cascade and want more of it but this is too much too fast for a Tower. He can scream all he wants in his art, he won't make the cut. Verdict: No thank you.

I know it's been a while since we've talked about Wizard's Tower and I've missed it too. We still won't have anything every Wednesday but this will keep popping up from time to time. There are still 15 partner commanders to talk about so I will probably do that at some point. I might do one next Wednesday. I might not. Let's find out together. In the meantime go out and play some Magic. It's fun...usually. Until next time friends.





Did you buy one of the Commander sets? Do you have no self control like me and bought four of each Commander set? Do you want to have a gab sesh about the who's who of the Magic world? Send us a message or leave a comment!

Tower Sweet Tower

"I heard you were throwing some shade"

Kaladesh has been fully spoiled for almost 2 weeks and the set is about to come out in 2 days. Some of you have gotten your hands on the cards at the pre-release and some of you don't even know how to play Magic yet. Kaladesh has lots of fun and good cards, and LOTS of bad cards that won't see play. Gaige here to give you some ideas on what Kaladesh cards fit into your Wizard's Tower. It is that day of the week and after three or so weeks without, we will touch upon Wizard's Tower Wednesday to give more ideas of Kaladesh cards can fit.

It's been quite some time since we last talked about this format, so if you need a refresher on how this works check out this intro article.

Thopters literally crapping on your dreams

First and foremost, This card is the dopest boardwipe standard has had in a long time. I'm playing a white deck for this card alone. If you aren't playing white then you should feel bad and know that you'll never gain as much life as you could. "But life gain isn't good." Yeah, well tell that to my Felidar Sovereign and Aetherflux Reservoir combo that I'm gonna win with. Exaggerating aside (although I'm not exaggerating at all about how great this is) it is a good card and will probably see play in standard but if you don't need it for anything else or you just have more than you know what to do with, it's also a great boardwipe for Wizard's Tower. Firstly, it's a boardwipe so it's already a good fit on that basis alone, and secondly, it gains you a bunch of life. With Wizard's Tower being a multiplayer format you're sure to gain enough life to either make a comeback or live long enough to get a target painted on you and still be the first one to lose the game.

There is a whole unguarded body they could have stabbed but decided to go through their hand instead

Another card that could be Standard playable but probably won't see pro play is this pseudo boardwipe. It's a multi-creature Bone Splinters. It could be good in a sacrifice matters deck, or a fabricate deck where you have servos that you don't care about. Since it probably won't see any constructed play, slap it in your Tower. If you are far behind, you can sacrifice all your stupid dumb small creatures to get rid of their Terrastadon or their Mageta the Lion, or whatever other spooky creatures they have that you can't compete with. Sadly this is sorcery speed and it's not each opponent so in multiplayer you can only kill as many of your friends creatures as you have. This should still be enough to knock the king off the hill and maybe get you or someone else back in the game. At it's worst it is a very expensive Bone Splinters which is pretty bad. At it's best it's a mediocre boardwipe which is also pretty bad.

How does a mask with more holes than material hide someones face?

Versatility is important. In second grade I had a pen that had three different color inks, a mechanical pencil, an eraser, a stylus, and a laser pointer. I thought I was the coolest kid in the school. By lunch I had some 4th graders take it and write "penis" on every part of my arm that wasn't covered by sleeve. What I'm trying to say is band-aids not only can be used to cover up cuts and scrapes but to also hide 25 instances of the word "penis" written on you. I just told my teacher that I found a cat at recess and I pretended to be a scratching post. She believed me until everyone started calling me "penis arms" for the rest of the year. This card is like those band-aids. It's super versatile and can be used for a lot of fun interaction. If you want to prevent your opponent from playing something, counter it. If you want a good effect or don't want a bad effect from a spell then use this to re-direct it. If some spell is being cast that doesn't target you at all, copy it and choose a new target for silly interaction. No matter the situation this card will help you. It will not stop people from calling you "penis arms" though.

The Kaladesh version of Battlebots

If you were happy that Collected Company is rotating out, don't get too excited yet. We now have this strictly worse, will never see any sort of real play, sharing is caring, version. In a multiplayer game this can be super fun. Pick an opponent who might be a little down on their luck to let them get first dibs on a creature and you get whatever's left. You could get two bomb creatures for 4 mana or you could get two small creature for 4 mana. Maybe you're just having a good day and want to give your friend a babby to hold so you give them one creature and take none of your own because you are a selfless wizard. Any card that shares the wealth with your friends at the table are going to be fun cards and this card seems bad, and like all bad cards is a perfect fit.

The "Grand Exhibition" is also what my high school called my spring musical wardrobe malfunction

Sometimes bad things happen to you and you just want to start fresh. Sometimes in that process you want to hurt people. Maybe someone told you that you looked like you play Magic so you burned down their house and had to move to another state. Maybe someone beat you with a Standard deck against your Legacy deck so in retaliation you threw their Exodia off of the boat you were one. This card perfectly encompasses those feelings. You get to do damage to a creature or a player directly and then you get a new hand. In Wizard's Tower you have no idea what you're going to get so you could get MUCH better cards or you could get cards so bad that you just give up playing Magic altogether. It's a toss up, but that's what makes this card so fun. 8 out of 10 dentists recommend this card in your Wizard's Tower. The other two think you don't floss enough.

Well we had some good times today. We looked at other Kaladesh cards that would be fun in a Wizard's Tower after not talking about this beautiful format for a couple weeks. Again, this is no longer a weekly article but we will still talk about things from time to time as we find sets of cards or themes to try out in your Wizard's Tower. One day I may go through and log what exactly is in mine so you can get an idea of what a fun and fairly balanced Wizard's Tower looks like. Thanks again for tuning in, I miss you already.





Missed Wizard's Tower Wednesday? Wish Wizard's Tower Wednesday would stay buried? Want to share your terrible childhood nicknames with us? Send us a message or leave a comment!

The Return of Wizard's Tower Wednesday

Well it was really never gone, I just got a combination of lazy and caught up in work and hadn't written anything. Hello buckaroos, Gaige here to throw some more stupid ideas at you. Kaladesh is in the early stages of spoiler season and everything about it looks awesome. Wizards must love me but hate my bank account because they want it to be zero. Check out Mythic Spoiler to see everything that has been spoiled so far if you haven't seen any of it yet.

Also check here if you're new to this and haven't yet heard about the best format in Magic.

Despite not everything spoiled, there is enough of Kaladesh available to give you some ideas of what to use in your Tower once you start opening boosters and have cards you don't know what to do with. There are so many fun new mechanics and cards in Kaladesh I'm having a rough time containing my excitement. That's why I don't contain it. Every now and then I'll run a victory lap around the office with a giant Wizard's of the Coast flag behind me.

Don't let their fancy words fool you, it's just a water tower

Let's start with the card that is not only the featured picture but also actually a tower. It seems appropriate although I thought that tending to my bees naked seemed appropriate but now I basically pee honey. This card is perfect for Wizard's Tower. It's silly but also functional. Every time you play a spell you get a life for every spell you played. You as a player also have an ultimate in case you get to 50+ life and want some creature VERY dead. Everyone will tell you this card is bad but I'm here to tell you that you're looking at my new standard deck. It's also hard to deal with because artifacts are generally hard to remove right until that exact moment that someone gets a perfect draw and you lose the game. Fuck you Kevin.

I will now make this jar disappear. SCIENCE!

Although you can't use this to get any lands back to play them as something else, you can keep your non land permanents safe from removal. Image having your whole board dodge a board wipe only to also draw that many cards. From here the possibilities are endless. We both know even with endless possibilities though you'll just play a land, play two of the creatures that you bounced, then discard down to seven but hey, nothing died this turn right? Oh look your other opponent had a board wipe too. Well you tried. At least you got to draw some cards.

Started from the Aether now I'm here

I would like to be a lord of luxury but here I am just an enthusiast of meats and Magic. Although there isn't an "opponents deck" to target, this still does some stuff for you. You yourself can feel like the lord of luxury as you look at the top four cards of the Tower and pick one that you want to play. Oddly some of this card's effectiveness is actually lost in Wizard's Tower but a 2/3 for 4 with deathtouch and deck manipulation. It's a good midrange card that is playable and fun but not super over-the-top-player-flips-the-table-because-this-was-the-last-straw-and-they-hate-you-and-are-only-playing-maigc-with-you-because-you-don't-have-friends-and-they-feel-bad-for-you.

Beep Beep Mother Fucker

New to Kaladesh and an awesome addition is vehicles. They have cars and boats and skyships and I'm still waiting on trains and a Da Vinci helicopter. You just put your little creatures inside the vehicles and vroom vroom all over your opponents face. These are a super fun addition to Magic and with enough of these in your Tower you can just name it 250 car pileup. They are interesting mechanically and all vehicles seem pretty fun to play. They also don't require any outside resources other than other creatures so they fit in just about any format. This one in particular is a cartifact that enters as a 5/3 trample haste and can be turned into a 5/3 trample haste every turn if you decide to crew it with creatures. Me? I'm just a collector of vintage vehicles so this will sit on the battlefield for everyone to look at but no one is allowed to drive it.

So it's been some time since our last Wizard Tower Wednesday and Kaladesh seemed like a great returning point. The Wizard Tower feature is no longer going to be done every week but will be done probably every other week or when some new set or mechanic is announced just to keep things fresh. This also gives us more room to write other more interesting articles on Wednesdays. We're hoping to get some other things in the works and in the mean time check us out at GP Louisville this weekend. We'll be wearing shirts repping the salami and we'll have stickers for everyone. Until that time, stay safe and don't get involved in road rage because I hear Kaladeshians have magic and all you have is a tire iron.





Hate that WtW is back? Are you also waiting for trains in Kaladesh? Have you ever wondered if you're actually just an NPC in someone elses dream? Leave a comment or send us a message with all of your existential questions!

Wizard's Tower: Conspiracy 2: Tin Foil Hat Boogaloo

Don't let the conspiracies get you

Monday started my favorite season that comes several times a year: Spoiler Season. They started spoiling what will be in Conspiracy: Take the Crown and the set looks fun as hell. I haven't played it but when Dan and I get a chance to draft it, we'll put up a review of how it went down. In the meantime I'm going to go ahead and recommend it anyways based off the cards I've seen because it looks awesome. But after you draft this set, what do you do with the cards? Sure you can play them in Legacy but unless you have a couple grand just lying around Legacy can be a difficult format to get into. EDH is another possibility but only some cards will be good and your'll still have a lot left over. Good thing most of the Conspiracy cards are perfect for Wizard's Tower so let's talk about that.

For those of you that don't know: intro to Wizard's Tower

First, let's take a moment to shove this obvious point down your throat:

The artist is gonna get fired for forgetting to take the sticky note of the art of his card

How I imagine Harry Potter fans were when the cursed child came out

It says it right on these cards. These are drafting. They serve no function in a Tower because there is no drafting aspect of Wizard's Tower. It seems like it could go without saying but sometimes I just don't know about Magic players.

Better get your hands on this card before she gets assassinated in Conspiracy 3

The monarch mechanic seems perfect for Wizard's Tower and Queen McCheesy doesn't seem too overpowered for a Tower. Really it seems perfect in every format that has more than two people in it. I'm jumping the gun a little because obviously I haven't played with it yet and it could totally blow but I love the idea of passing around the monarch. I also love it more because I'm going to go buy a tiara and use that as our monarch token so that you truly feel like the ruler of the table. Multiple monarch cards in your Tower will give you a better chance of getting the monarch token onto the field. Passing around the monarch card is perfect because it gets the action going and allows for extra card draw for people. Will update with more info after actually becoming the queen of Magic.

I like the one dude just casually sneaking away 

Like the monarch mechanic this mechanic was developed for multiplayer and adds some sweet, sweet spiciness to Wizard's Tower. When you play cards like this everyone gets a vote and it adds more political fun to the game. It could also add political hatred and then someone flips over the table as they declare that they're going to capital punish you. Hopefully you don't hang out with people like that and it should add more fun that table flips. Unlike the first conspiracy, every vote counts for something more than just which outcome wins. On top of the zany antics that this brings, this card in particular is also a pseudo kill spell that would be a good fit in a Tower.

Better than a hollow burial

This doesn't really bring anything mechanically different, but it's a boardwipe and one of the most appropriate board wipes for Wizard's Tower. It resets the board while putting them all back on the bottom of the library. It is still possible that they come back into circulation especially if you have some library shuffling cards. There was one time we almost made it through a whole tower and then someone shuffled cards back into the deck. Just the creatures though. It was a very long game. No creature removal and no boardwipes. Just a lot of grid lock and constant swinging. Use this to make that happen. It'll still be fun. Probably.

Silence is golden but I would rather have mythics and they're orange

Again this doesn't have anything mechanically but as a individual card would be super fun in Wizard's Tower. It might be a couple games before it gets really good because you'll start to know certain cards at certain costs that you don't want played. If you don't its a 2/2 for 3 where you can safely call 3 or 4 as a number and shutdown a fair amount of cards. That gets rid of a lot of removal and counter spells and other weird things. If it's fairly late game you can also use this to help you keep your board state by shutting down a boardwipe or two. Throw in some cards that let you look at other peoples hands like Zur's Weirding and you can pick and choose what you don't want people to play. It can be pretty hit or miss but it's a good addition.


As more conspiracy things come out I'm sure there will be more awesome cards for your tower. Wizard's Tower is the one of the best uses for these cards if you don't have the wallet to play Legacy or the patience to play EDH. Wizard's Tower again is here to save the day with it's accessibility because, again, it is the best format.





Want to let us know how many boxes of Conspiracy 2 you ordered? Want to fill us in on how your draft went? Want complain about No Man's Sky? Leave us a comment or send us a message!

Small Cards for a Big Tower

Magic isn't the only thing we're learning today

I always wondered why people might read reviews of cards for Wizard's Tower but when I think about it, it's nice when someone gives you ideas for cards or shows you cards you didn't even know existed to add to your Tower. Most of our card reviews for Wizard's Tower are for rare and mythics and a lot of that has to do with the fact that usually rares and mythics have some of the silliest card effects. The beauty of Wizard's Tower though is that you don't need to go out and buy anything to actually build one. You can just use whatever scraps you have laying around. This means you the bulk of your Tower would be commons and uncommons and low cost things. That's good because you should have a fair amount of interesting low cost commons. So that's what I (Gaige) am here to talk to you about today. Wizard's Tower for the common folk.

If you came here and are lost, check out the intro article to get you up to speed.

How is it that something with the leg strength to jump into a cloud is only a 1/1?

Much like my sex life, this is a nice slow start that buys you sometime until you can find a better card who has more in common with you and wants to explore more in the bedroom. What I mean is I don't have a sex life and I just build pillow forts in my bedroom that I like to explore. Its low cost and probably costs like -$0.50. It does however still have a lot of functionality. You can swing in with it if you so choose, or you can ping other 1/1 creatures. You can also just start pinging down your opponents if you're bored. This can die to anything and everything, but you may have counter or buff spells to keep it alive, and this dying also relies on your opponents having kill spells. Plus even if they do have a kill spell, who is dumb enough to kill a 1/1 when they should probably save it for something way scarier that you may draw later on in the game.

"Saltfield nomads" aka my opponents

If we look closely we can see this lion in its natural habitat. A low level creature that might get glanced over but fits perfectly in a Tower. Look how it stalks its prey. It jumps in at the perfect time knocking your other creature out of the way of removal. Maybe your other creature was blocking to save you some damage. Well the lion jumps in and saves your creature while still keeping you safe. Now you have one creature still on board but your other beautiful animal lives to fight another day. The lion like many other animals appears weak on the outside but finds his place in the Tower. Many call him king of the jungle but I like to call him lion of the Tower. It's low cost, low price, but filled to the mane with function and is a great early game card.

"What do we do, it's just walking away from us?"

It's like my pappy always used to say "If it has a bunch of knives and arrows stuck in it, you probably don't need to worry about it killing you." That's exactly how this card is. It is not strong and won't kill you but it's a chump blocker and can chump block twice. Trade with their 1/1 and then you get a 2/2 back so you can trade with your other opponent giving you a 2 for 1. This one doesn't have as much offensive functionality but is great for sacrifice costs and getting in the way. If you have some cards in your tower that let you move around +1/+1 counters maybe you can keep your best friend the butcher ghoul alive forever. Oh the high jinks you two will get into!

How is this different than a sheep shepherd? Sheep already sound like they're dying.

This card will always have a special place in my heart because back when I started Magic (I wanted to say back when I was bad at Magic but I can't because that still applies today) I built a zombie deck where I used this to make sure I never lost a game. If things weren't going my way and I was about to lose, I would tap 4 of these with 10 or so zombies on the field and just kill everyone including myself. That way I at least got a draw rather than a loss. Since this is 1 life for each zombie anywhere on the battlefield this card is a lot of fun. You'll be bound to throw in a handful of zombies in to the tower just because it's such a common creature type and there are a lot of good zombies. This again is a low cost cheap card that can poke and has some fun utility and depending on board states, can still be decently powerful late game. It's like a black version of the above mentioned lighting lady but that can get more amped up when it's posse is around.

She's just crafting her mixed tape

Are you starting to see a theme yet? Yeah me neither but I will say that activated ability low cost creatures are the ones that keep the early game interesting. Look at this lady. Pay 1 and tap to make her mixed tape and then tap her to to throw a mixed tape to deal one damage. Although this is a two turn process, you can always make a dude at the end of the opponent before your's turn and keep her untapped through everyone else's turns in case you need to throw 1 damage at something. Or you can just build a pile of 1/1 defenders so you can throw warm bodies at some big creature as it attacks. You can make infinite chump blockers. There is a lot you can do with her cause she is on fire. Well she's about to be. Look at that splash back behind her. Apparently whatever plane she is on needs to have some OSHA creatures come take a look at the working conditions.


One final piece of advice from Pappy Salami: "If you don't know how to build something just start smacking the pieces together until it starts to take shape." Well something like that. Actually nothing like that. My pappy never said that to me and if we're being honest I never had a pappy. It was always Grandpa Salami to me. As far as commons go I don't really expect any of you to go out and buy commons for a Tower because that's unnecessary and tedious. Just use what you have lying around. Sometimes you're not sure what will work and what won't but just start slapping pieces together and trying it out until you get something beautiful.





Want more friendly advice from Grandpa Salami? Want more common ideas? Want an envelope full of commons? Leave us a comment or send us a message!

Wizard's Tower: Back to Basics

How the hell is it Wednesday already? Gaige here to tell you that I don't know what day it is or what outside even looks like right now and it feels like I just wrote last weeks article yesterday. Sorry we've been lacking in the article department lately but Dan and I both have been super busy with work. On that note, if you want more content from us, get more people to read this so we can quit our jobs and do this full time. We'll do live streams and show up to GP's and we'll even sign your chest for you. Get your friends to start playing Magic so they can follow us and we will keep entertaining you as a full time gig. And if we can't get that, I will make really spicy Magic memes in trade for chicken.

If you don't know what Wizard's Tower is or you just want a refresher go here to read all about it.

Old-school Wizard's Tower. Fuck, I miss this game. - Dan

Every week we talk about cards that would be good and cards that would be bad in a Tower. On a few occasions we have talked about mechanics and other aspects to help enrich your Tower. Today I want to talk about the fundamentals of Tower building. This probably should have been article number two on this subject matter but hindsight is 20/20. I've never really understood that expression though because I have sighted some hinds that were not a 20/20. Mine is a 12/20 at best.

Like any other deck in Magic, a Wizard's Tower requires play testing. No matter how you build it, either with bulk cards or if you go out and buy pieces, some cards will probably need to change over time. You'll find out what works and what doesn't as you play. The ultimate goal to making an effective and fun Wizard's Tower is to make it difficult for everyone to decide what they want to play as a land each turn. Sometimes someone will draw something and will say "Yeah that's definitely a land" and immediately lay it face down. If that's the case figure out why they were so quick to make it a land. Is it a bad fit or bad at the time? If it's turn 2 and someone draws a 9 cost card they may make it a land because they may not want to hold on to it for that long. Maybe it's a card that just didn't end up being as good or as fun as you thought it would be. Having a handful of cards off to the side that you can swap in is always a good idea. Keep in mind there is a difference between cards that just aren't good and cards that aren't good in that situation. A turn 12 Judge's Familiar will probably become a land but it's still a card you want in the deck. Same thing with a turn 2 or 3 Terastodon, it may get played as a land but that doesn't mean it's not good in the Tower.

Now most of the cards we have talked about in previous articles are 5 CMC cards or higher. This might be obvious but remember to include early game cards too. I think I know what I'll be writing about in future weeks now. Small cards for a big Tower. Title = Done. You will want to find a fair amount of 1 to 3 cost cards that people can play early game. Creatures that draw cards, manipulate the graveyard, or let you scry are always a good starting base for lower CMC creatures. They aren't huge bombs or anything but they give you some fun stuff to do.

When you have enough small things for the early game, then you can start looking at your 5 CMC+ silly cards. There are definitely some low cost silly things but it seems that all the really fun super janky "will never see play in any other format" cards are all 5CMC+. If the small things are the bread of your Tower, then the big things are the butter. Sure you can have just an all bread Tower but it will be really bland and people won't want to play. You can have an all butter Tower but after one session everyone will be throwing up making a goopy buttery mess. When you have the perfect amount of bread and butter though it's like eating a cloud that's nice and warm and will keep you safe and will never betray you. This is where you want your Tower to be. Warm and will never betray you.

Again, getting to where you are happy with it takes time. I can't even tell you how many iterations my Tower has gone through, and I'm still constantly updating it as certain cards seem either too week or two strong. If you have play group that you play with regularly and you play with your Tower regularly (I mean your Wizard's Tower not your weiner) they can all help you figure out what works and what doesn't. Then when you have a Tower you are pretty happy with you can take it to FNM or other Magic events and when you have a by or are in between rounds you can bust it out and everyone can enjoy what is the best format. More times than not no one has heard of this format but when you introduce it to them they'll want to build one too.

So go out my children and build your Tower to the best that it can be so that through it, you can spread the word and let everyone know what is the best Magic format.





Wanna tell us how much of a disappointment this article is? Want to tell us what cards you have taken out? Want to let us know it's time to retire this segment? Leave us a comment or send us a sensual message!

There's No Chaos Like Bro Chaos

My visual representation of chaos

What's up you Philistines? It's Gaige here to look up cards so you don't have to. Some Wednesday ago we talked about this super dope chaos list in this article. We're gonna continue on that list in this article. If you are lost on what we're talking about, check out here for our breakdown of how to play the best format in Magic. If you are physically lost call your parents to come get you and tell them you were kidnapped and not that you took a wrong turn while chasing after Pokemon. Now sit back, read on, and wait for your parents to show up with your tendies.

This is also a good time to say that although I try and make sure to not repeat cards, it's going to start happening. I try and provide you with the new cards you want to know about that you can throw in your tower, but I also have this direct conflict of me being lazy. We're gonna get to a point where I don't look through every card to make sure I don't repeat them. Maybe one day I'll make an excel sheet and can keep track of cards that way, but today is not that day. I think this week is all new cards.


CHAOS

"Cut the child in half and let both mother's have a piece" "But I'm a full grown man and my mother is dead" "IN HALF!"

This card is a bit hit or miss, but I'd hope you would have a fair amount of enchantments and artifacts in your deck to just always keep things interesting. This can get rid of terrible world enchantments, or you can make the table hate you by getting rid of the thing letting everyone draw. This is also a may ability so if you like everything on the field you can just chill until someone plays something you hate. If you really want you can play this for 3 and then just to use it to get rid of itself because you're a wild card. You be the judge on whether you have enough enchantments and artifacts to make it worth it. I vote yes. I vote if you say no then fix that. I vote for more Tibalt and less Jace. Shaughnessy 2016.

Turns out in the MTG universe, whispers is another word for arrows

This is one of those enchantments that is not only perfect as a card for Wizard's Tower but also a perfect target for the above mentioned card. This card not only makes creatures never truly die, but makes things super silly and weird and if there is one way to build a tower it's as silly and weird as possible. Imagine a fully stocked board and then a board wipe. Now get ready to groove as you do a the wizard shuffle and just start passing out creatures to whoever you want. I won't blame you if you pass out creatures by "making it rain" because we both know you won't ever get a chance to do that anywhere else.

This isn't a wave a genesis, but just a dude name Genesis waving

This is another card that could potentially be too good but if you try and tell me that I'll just tell you that you built your tower wrong. So let's say you hit this perfectly mid game, you can get 5 cards that cost 5 or less on the battlefield (assuming mid game is turn 8). That's annoying but you should have some ways to deal with that hopefully through a board wipe or by just flipping the table and giving your opponent the finger. If you get this late game you can potentially get 9 cards with converted mana cost 9 or less, which will be about anything in your deck, but that would be in a perfect situation. They also have the chance to whiff and get mostly instants or sorcerys, or get really shitty small things. If they play this too early maybe they don't get to keep some of the bigger things. No matter what it will be super fun and will pair great with this next card.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Shut up Kevin, we're all thinking the same thing"

This is another card that as I write about, I am purchasing a foil one from Amazon. This card is just so awesome. This card has some of the best Wizard's Tower elements: it gets everyone involved, it makes copies of things that will create horrifying situations, it makes you think twice before casting spells, and it lets you pick new targets. Kill spells become riskier, buff spells become more interesting, and things like Harmless Offering just become even more awesome. There are so many cards that would go so well with this I can't even begin to name them all. Just go get this. Go get it right now and slap in your tower. You won't regret it. Well you might one game. Maybe a couple of games, but even as you accidentally give everyone a kill spell, you'll be laughing at what people do with it. And that's what Wizard's Tower is really about: killing things with friends and laughing about it.

I just found out my worst fear is being melted by a lightning tornado

Oh look at that. It even has chaos right in the name, how fitting. Now if you just never want control over the game again, this and Hive Mind make the perfect combo. Everyone gets a copy of every instant and sorcery spell that is cast, however if it targets a single target no one gets to pick what their spell targets anymore. Just buff random things and hope one of them was yours. Pretend like you have a board wipe when you have a single kill spell. Play the hunger games and see who can survive a -x/-x spell. The possibilities are endless. Even alone the idea of every spell being re-directed to something random really tickles my fancy. I want to get a foil of this as well but I'm trying to show some self control.

...

Well I bought a foil one of these and a handful of expedition lands. I'll work on self control later and maybe with something like food. Considering I just ate like 300 chicken nuggets from Chic-Fil-a food may not be the best thing to practice self control with either. Now before you go correcting my spelling, know that I spell Chic-Fil-a like this because it sounds like a rich people clothing store that also sells nuggers. I'll find some way to practice self control. Maybe.




Well thanks for checking back in with us and seeing that we did in fact not forget about you and do have another article. Check back in a couple of days for somethings more relevant than Wizard's Tower. Maybe you'll find two somethings relevant. I would tell you how many things you can expect but I will also be checking back to find out myself. Good luck out there and just remember: Everyone is a good Magic player during Wizard's Tower.





Tired of seeing this every Wednesday? Want to tell us about your double triple copy redirect? Want to tell us about your recent chicken experience? Let us know in the comments or with a kindly worded message? Can't get enough salami? Check out our twitter over at...well...twitter.

A Full Moon for a Full Tower

In darkest day, in moonest night, beware spaghetti of Sailor's might

Although all of Eldritch Moon has yet to be spoiled, Gaige is here to tell you what's up and what cards from this beautiful new set you should add to your tower when you pull them and don't know what else to do with them. Some of these might see play in some other formats for a bit but ultimately may do nothing. I will try and force all of these cards at some point but end game these will all find their way into my tower as well. I already have a favorite for every color so get ready for some moons over my hammy and some cards over your body. Oh yeah, if you don't know what Wizard's Tower is check here to learn about how you can slowly lose skill in Magic overtime. If you don't know what Magic is then I'm sorry you have become so cynical that there are no longer unicorns or narwhals in your life.

Innistrad needs a Smoky the Bear to prevent things like this

I like this card and it's silly but as far as a card in Wizard's Tower, it's pretty situational if it will become a land or be played. If it's in the starting hand someone will reveal it for that sweet 26 life but may turn it down as a land immediately after. It's not that getting to seven mana is any sort of difficult feat, but some people may want to keep other things in their hand over this. If it's pulled late game, there is little reason to not play it. Who doesn't like just jumping up to above your starting life total? I know I don't, but that's because I will be running a triskaidekaphobia deck where I get myself to 13 life so that I have the satisfaction of knowing that my opponent didn't actually kill me. Also, I like the flavor of this card too because it references that old 80's movie 26 candles. "Do you mean 16 candles?" I might mean that. I haven't seen it, but who would want to watch a movie about a 16 year old? The 80's were a weird time I guess.

"I think it's best we leaf this place"

Ignoring this card's ability for a second, a 0/13 is pretty silly on it's own. It's hard to get any damage in early when this card can just block everything you have other than that 1/2 flyer. You can poke them every turn but if you do that they'll just put you at 13 life and make their tree a 0/20. I don't really have a lot to say on this one. It's pretty straight forward. The concept is, but that tree is in no way straight or forward. It's a giant tree that blocks small to medium sized things. It can make itself bigger and your opponent's life smaller. These are all hilarious things that enforce the fact that it should be in your Wizard's Tower. Also it's a tree and whenever trees are cards it makes me smile because I like to picture a bunch of creatures just fighting a tree and losing. I got in a fight with a tree once and I lost that fight. Turns out trees have a mean roundhouse.

How can wings be real if mirrors aren't real?

If there are dragons on Innistrad why the hell do the people have issues with any other creature? Just grab the dragon and be all "Hey yo, dragon, I've got some treasure you can sit on but first light all those zombies and other spooky things on fire." Plus his wings are made of mirrors so he can see how awesome he looks as he destroys all the undead. I get that people like dragons and people like Innistrad but this is the wrong flavor for me. "What flavor is it?" It's whatever flavor that co-worker eats who has awful breath and insists on standing right in your face when he talks to you. This can make for some real interesting interactions. I target this to destroy it and wipe my board. I give this trample, and all my guys get trample. If you have any form of single target spells (which if you don't, start over from square one on your tower) this card will be awesome for someone. Hopefully it's awesome for you.

Is infinite wisdom worth becoming part spaghetti?

Since there are no lands in your tower, this is right on the edge of being too good, but I give it the official Heavy Salami seal of approval. Although you get a free spell anytime an opponent plays their first spell, you are now everyone's number one target. If no one has any way to deal with this card directly, then they will just deal with you and make sure you die so that this card also dies. Plus even with this on board, what's to say that you want to cast everything that is revealed. Like any other good science, Magicology will need some testing and recorded results to theorize hypothetically about cards. What I'm saying is that when I get my hands on this I will try to force it in Standard and after that doesn't work I will try it in Wizard's Tower and see how it plays out. Feel free to try it in Wizard's Tower first and let us know your results, for science.

Me after eating

Now this card was spoiled today and this is already my favorite card of the set. It's a 1 drop 1/3 which is like a more annoying Jaddi Offshoot, with the added bonus that anything that accidentally touches it also becomes it. Use combinations of fight spells, flying spells, and pump spells to make it big enough and flying enough to block anything and everything. Turn the board into a giant stalemate as everyone has 1/3 spirits that turns anything else into a 1/3 spirit. Now you have to hope that someone has a board wipe not because someone has a scary board state, but because everyone has the same board state and at this point it's just better to start over. It reminds me of that time where a girl at a party made out with everyone there and everyone got sick. I mean she didn't make out with me but I still got sick because she just sneezed in my face.

Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks edition of "Bad cards finding a home." Dan and I both will have some more articles coming up with some more silly ideas for decks and bad advice for Magic in general.





Think I should have waited for full spoilers before talking about EMN? Think other EMN cards would be better? Have you too suffered a case of permeating mass? Let us know with a comment or message.