Friday, December 30, 2016

Lost and Mostly Forgotten - The Neglected Bombs of Standard

We've all been the orange stick guy.
Friends, hello! It's Dan, and I'm here with everyone's my favorite article. The Neglected cards of Standard.

This Standard season (and 2016) is starting to draw to an end. Aether Revolt comes out soon, and with it, a big shake up of the meta. Well, hopefully. I dunno about you, but I'm tired of never ending turn four Emrakuls. Ideally the new set will give us something better to do, and then we can all hate a new card together, because we're Magic players and life just isn't that good if we can't complain about something.

The dominance of big bombs like Emrakul has definitely left some other cards out of the spotlight. These may not be the Promised End level of strong, but they've got some kick to them, and they shouldn't be totally wrote off. One spicy new spell from Aether Revolt could catapult these duds to stardom.

But what could these cards be? Surely anything good has been discovered and played by plenty of people.

"One day, my time will come."
You'd be surprised just how quick people are to ignore a card just because it isn't in a pro deck. Hopefully seeing this list will remind you what we've been missing in Standard, and you can use this super secret tech to make a frothy new brew with the Aether Revolt cards. Let's take a look at these poor, unwanted cards, and see if we can give them the recognition they deserve.

Note that this is by no means an exhaustive list - there are definitely some other insane cards that aren't getting a shot. If there's something that in your opinion should be on this list, let me know that I missed it!

Going fast as hell, but only finishing Fifth:

"Everyone remember a weapon?"
"Uh... yeah, totally..."
*Grabs fence post*
This is a weird fuckin' card. Weird stats, weird ability, weird choice of weapon. Weird hat, too. Despite the oddity, sometimes four power on a hasty flier is a fine way to win a game. Taking double damage is a massive drawback for sure, but if you're on the offensive anyways, it shouldn't matter much. So mono-Red Aggro is tier 1, right?

Sadly, Castigator is one of many victims of the current format. Four power just doesn't make the cut when cards like Ishkanah, Mindwrack Demon, and even Sigarda are played in a ton of decks. Not to mention the sad possibility of them hitting Goldnight with a Noxious Gearhulk. If a good, reliable answer for Ishkanah comes out of Aether Revolt, I would look for aggressive fliers like this to make a resurgence once the big bad Reach creatures and five-toughness fliers drop in popularity.

Naturally, this isn't likely since Ishkanah is crazy, but we can dream, man. Goldnight is still a sideboard card in some of my Red decks, since she does good work against Control decks that aren't ready to shoot her down.

Flying her four arms into Fourth:

Is it an Angel that invents stuff, or an Angel that was invented by someone?
Our second Angel on the list! When I first saw this card, my only thought was "Ugh, G/W Tokens is back." I know a lot of people agreed with me, and then I know a lot of people didn't care because they just wanted to reanimate it with Alesha in EDH. But the angel seems built to be the sweetness - a creature lord that can chip away in the air with lifelink? That's a lot of positives, and in a Standard focused on creature combat, making your 2/3's able to fight through their 2/3's is a huge boon.

But one toughness? YEAH RIGHT. She can get zapped by just about anything and die - even if you put the counters on her! There's too much solid removal for weak bods like this, and any old Harnessed Lightning or Grasp of Darkness can nuke your five drop in short order. Or even a Dual Shot, if your opponent is a cheeky bastard. There's a possibility she sees play in a tokens deck in the future, I mean, the ceiling on this is just absurd, but weakness to removal is a real cost to pay. You may want to play some spells like Blossoming Defense to protect her if you try it.

Burning up the competition in Third:

When in doubt, light everything on fire.
Once she was one of the ramp targets of choice, but even in the absence of real ramp spells, Chandra, Flamecaller is a potent finisher. She pumps out just a buttload of damage starting right on the turn she hits the board. Or, if killing stuff is more your style, her -X lets you blow up things of any size you desire, provided you desire to blow up stuff with four or less toughness. Think your hand is poop, and would like to try again? Her 0 ability is here to improve both your card quality and quantity. Her hairdo is lit as F. 🔥 What's not to like?

Turns out that people don't like to pay this much mana for a planeswalker these days.

So affordable.
The new four cost Chandra is super versatile, and has plenty of power to boot. She can come down very early in the game, help you ramp to later threats, get you extra cards, or kill a dude. And on top of all of that, she has a very achievable ult, making her the weapon of choice for red decks.

That being said, don't count big Chandy out just yet. Against a deck like U/W, her -X can clear out an entire board, and she herself dodges Spell Queller, unlike the mini version. Two 3/1 elementals close out the game much faster than two damage per turn, though this is less effective against a locked up board with Ishkanas and Mindwrack Demons. All in all, I think mondo Chandra's power is directly tied to the popularity of G/B Delirium strategies. If your store is relatively spider-free, give her a whirl in either an Aetherworks Marvel deck as another payoff card, or a more honest Red Midrange deck, like my super fun Mono Redrazi deck.

Hoppin' his way into Second:

"This is karma for eating all of those frog legs throughout your life."
Dats a big boi. The Gitrog has held a special place in my heart ever since I made The Molten Gitrog Vortex deck. Man, I miss that wacky pile of trash. He may not be able to be paired with his best bro Molten Vortex anymore, but there's still plenty to like about this froggy.

A 6/6 is fat enough to rumble with most any creature, and even if their guy is bigger, Deathtouch will be sure to take it town. Sacrificing a land is a big price to pay, but drawing extra cards and being able to drop two lands sure helps to mitigate it. Not to mention lands going to the graveyard from Lilianna minuses, Vessel of Nascency, or Grapple with the Past all trigger the frog for another card. With a card like Splendid Reclamation in the format, you'd think there'd be a reliable way to break him.

It actually seems to be a strange set of issues keeping Gitrog out of Standard. The natural home for this gigantic value machine is the B/G Delirium deck. They're running big expensive guys like Ishkanah, planeswalkers, Noxious Gearhulk, and of course, Emrakul. Despite this, the decks are actually running very few lands - only 23, which is impressive when running a 13 drop. Between Vessel of Nascency, Grapple with the Past, Pilgrim's Eye, Traverse the Ulvenwald, and Grim Flayer triggers, finding a land drop is fairly trivial, so the deck is able to shave down on lands while still playing one each turn. Having to sacrifice them to the Gitrog could upset this balance, and leave you short on lands.

If a B/G/x value mid-range deck shows up that runs a few more lands, say 25 or 26, keep your eyes on Gitrog as a possible five drop that will rule the ground and keep your hand full.

Clearing his way straight to First:

That seems like too nice of a setting for a Demon.
If I've learned anything in my years, it's that Control decks love Boardwipes, Card Advantage, and huge Fliers. And to never fight a Winter war in Russia. Well check this guy out! He murders all the small creatures on board when he comes out, and he earns energy whenever any creature dies, then lets you use that to recur dudes from either Graveyard. He's big and flies as well. I can't speak towards his feelings on Russia, but it looks like comrade demon has all it takes to be the Standard control finisher of choice!

The sad fact is, -2/-2 just doesn't kill anything on turn six. Against the popular Aggro decks, you are probably dead by then. Even if you aren't, threats like Gideon, Copter, Depala, and Inventor's Apprentice (with an artifact) all survive his boardwipe. Creature decks still run a lot of three-or-greater toughness dudes, and then some decks are just flopping Emrakul out on turn four and I'm pretty sure she lives through this. The meta just isn't right for him.

Even with the odds against him, he's still a fine card. He cleans up Ishkanah spiders, and is plenty able to attack through Ishkanah herself. He's a fine grindy card, and is definitely worth remembering if there's a shift in the meta that causes two-toughness cards to become more popular, or if your store is weird and people like bad cards.


That sums up our list! The biggest, baddest bombs, with an emphasis on Bad. JK, they're all fine cards with a lot of power, they just don't have the right home. As Aether Revolt spoilers roll out, we'll be doing everything we can to make all of the jank of the world feel loved, and we hope you guys do too!

Speaking of Jank, there's a card I wanted to mention.

Wait, there's three Nissas in Standard?
This Nissa is from the WotC Intro Planeswalker Decks. She isn't the most wild card in terms of raw power, but she sure is annoying. She jumps right to a whopping eight loyalty, and gives you a nice life buffer to keep activating her abilities. Her very achievable ult makes even the wimpiest dorks formidable for an alpha strike, too. This card from the intro deck, along with Flame SLash from the Chandra deck, are two off-beat cards that a lot of people forget are in Standard, but actually have the potential to do some work in certain decks.

That's it for today! If you missed it, be sure to check out the latest Heavy_Salami projects we're rolling out! Or, to get to the goods right away, you can click on these words to be deposited directly at our Twitch channel. We plan on starting off weekly streams of matches at our local store, along with all sorts of video shenanigans, so listen up for announcements!

Thanks for reading, folks. As always, never stop brewing.

Think one of these cards is here in error? Is there another worth contender to take its place? Speak up for them! Drop a comment below, or send us a message using the form off to the right. You can also pester us on Twitter @Heavy_Salami!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Streaming, Podcasts, and General Shenanigans!

A match made in heaven.
Sup people, it's Dan here with some news and stuff. We officially have a Twitch Channel! You can search for us on Twitch by looking for Heavy_Salami. Currently our channel has quite a few videos of us playing League of Legends, because we had to test streaming software, and honestly cause that's 90% of what we do.

Pictured: me.
So if you're into that, feel free to watch. BUT, more importantly, we recently got the equipment together to start recording and doing commentary on FNM's at our local store, Stadium Cards and Comics in Ypsilanti, MI! If you're interested in getting your weekly dose of Salami, keep an eye out for our videos.

This is our first whirl at this, so feel free to critique and let us know what you'd like to see. Or just watch and laugh for some good magical times.

We've also recorded a Podcast, and will be starting that up regularly. Expect those to be posted here as well. As always, you can follow us on Twitter @Heavy_Salami to get all the latest hotness and the freshest memes.

Aether Revolt is coming soon! Expect us to talk about cards as they come out; we'll be sure to present the terrible jank brews we make to you ASAP so that you can join us in losing at the SCG Columbus Open on release weekend Jan 21-22. Team Heavy Salami will be attending in force to compete in the main event, and we plan on getting wacky. Let us know if you're going!

Thanks all for reading, and we hope you enjoy the video. Stay Heavy.

Team Heavy Salami is your source for some of the okay-est Magic content on the internet. If your decks are not currently fresh to death, please apply Heavy Salami directly to your collection.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Magic Cards Imagined as Beers

Soon to be Heavy Salami team shirts

There have been moments in history where some brave soul decided to combine two things together that seemed like an odd combination but brought about a revolutionary result. Honey and mustard, ranch and pizza, a ladle and promiscuous behavior. Us revolutionaries here at Heavy Salami Industries brought together drinking and Magic. Now we may not have been the first but we are by far the heaviest and we are doing so the most regularly. In honor of this beautiful union of two different families I have created this tribute.

"Battling Eldrazi all day can be tough. When you get home you just want to relax. Why not do that with a refreshing Ruinous Path? Unlike beer Ruinous Path has a crisp apple taste that makes for a subtle but sweet flavor. Made from real Bala Ged apples, Ruinous Path is naturally gluten free and comes in a variety of flavors including Bala Ged Berry which adds to the already fruity flavor, Ondu Orange for a refreshing citrus twist, and Tazeem Tropical which combines all different fruits for the perfect mix of sweet, sour, and smooth. Ruinous Path, for those who take the path less traveled. Please drink responsibly"

"Wait, what's that sound? Was that just the wind or are spirits about? Neither, that's the sound of a fresh Topplegeist being opened. In a world full of horrors and bitterness it's always nice to come home to something sweet. It may not take the cold out of a biting rain but it will take the sting out of what you saw over in the woods. The berries are handpicked by anyone brave enough to venture into our vineyard without protection. Just remember, it wasn't just the wind, it was Topplegeist. Don't worry about drinking responsibly, there's a 90% chance you'll die in your sleep tonight anyways."

"When the sun is down after a full day of inventing, grab a Midnight Oil to keep those gears turning well into the night. Midnight Oil is an Aether infused Chocolate Stout and because of this is lighter than other stouts on the market. The chocolate that we use adds another layer of lightness and smoothness to this already polished craft and is imported all the way from Peema. We over at Ghirapur Brewing Co. are inventors like you and promise to give you the best beer in all of Kaladesh."

"When your thirst is stronger than your blood lust, grab a Savage Punch. Stronger than Abzan goat milk and with more flavor than a Sultai wine, Savage Punch is both balanced and complex. Made from freshly punched mangos Savage Punch only uses the finest ingredients like grains from the base of the Qal Sisma mountains and whatever else we find that seems good. Savage Punch, when the only savage thing about you is your thirst...and your blood lust."

"If you liked Akroan Hopps, you'll love our new Akroan Hop-Lite. Akroan Hop-Lite has the same bold and bright taste that you've come to love and with fewer calories. All of our ingredients are imported from Setessa and blessed by Karametra herself. Sure you could drink a craft beer from Meletis but Akroan Hop-Lite is the beer of warriors and strength. We're devoted to you so you can be devoted to the gods."

I plan on making more of these as I find more cards and have more ideas but for now this is all I've got. Now who else is thirsty? *Beer opening sound*

Edit by Dan:

I used to brew beer, but haven't for a while now since space is limited in my apartment. Sometime soon-ish I plan on starting again, and then we'll make these a reality.

Want to tell us which one sounds like you'd actually drink it? Do you hate beer? Are you tired of the weather in your area? Let us know in the comments or send us a private message if you want to be a bit more risque!

Friday, December 02, 2016

Lightning Helix Only Costs B (Sorta)

Hey chums, it's Dan. How are you today? Good? That's swell. I'm happy that you're happy.

Oh, me? I'm feelin' spiffy. Kaladesh Standard is in full swing, and it's been a doozy for me. I'm on a tear right now - I've prized out in my past ten or so Standard events, and I think it's time that I share this success with the Salami Nation (I realize that this is not actually a thing, but let me have this).

I kicked off this Standard rotation by smashing face in with my favorite spaghetti monsters in the best color available. Sadly, our store's meta wasn't super kind to the Eldurzzles, so I had to switch it up. And you know what I replaced all of those basic mountains with?

The best card ever printed.
That's right - I replaced them with more basic mountains. Why fix what isn't broken? I mean honestly, fuck forests. Plains are for chumps and communists. I want to make fun of Islands, but Zendikar's Cup Island will always have my heart. But for posterity sake I'll just say everyone who plays blue is an asshole.

My stack of Unglued mountains is destined for bigger things than filling a trade binder, so I knew I wanted to play with mountains. I also knew I wanted to go fast, because let's be real, that's all I actually know how to do. So where to start?

You have my attention.
So to the shock and surprise of absolutely nobody who knows me, I went with burn. Classic Dan. If Lightning Bolt was a career choice I probably would have majored in it at university. 

I've already dabbled in the burn earlier this year when Eldritch Moon was released, but we've lost a good amount of those cards, and we've gained some fun new ones, so it was time to innovate. I was also presented with a new unique challenge - there are vehicles. They are fucking annoying as hell, especially when that stupid motorist makes the chopper a 4/4, putting it outside of the range of an honest hard working Fiery Temper. So I couldn't kill their choppa, so I did what any reasonable burn player would do - let's just ignore it. I added some black into my list so that we could more effectively race opposing aggro decks, and voila. We have... a thing.

This list is a hoot. Collective Brutality is the nuts. The card does everything we could ever want - strip scary cards from hand, kill little dudes, and do damage while buffering our own life total. That and Alms of the Vein gave us a healthy matchup against aggro while keeping the pressure rolling.

This isn't your average burn deck, though. You aren't just tapping a land to blast their ugly face for 3 damage. We need to jump through some hoops to make our tempers into bolts, but we have all of the tools to do it. Let's take a looksie at everything in the deck, and figure out how to play this pile.


We have a very low creature count in our deck, keeping us from being totally blown out by boardwipes and creature removal. Often the creatures only matter for the first few turns, at which point we get to pivot and shoot face. That said, they are very important for enabling our game plan, and the deck will perform far better if we have one or two to start with.

This is the exact face of every Sophomore who's been in a frat for a month.
Insolent Neonate is low-key one of the best red dudes printed since Monastery Swiftspear. He doesn't pile on damage quite as fast, but he is a slightly evasive source of damage, annoying to deal with, and has the utility of improving your hand. In our deck, he comes down and pokes them for a few point of damage (you'd be surprised how far Menace will take you), then lets us Madness something out for tasty value at no cost. Also, he can fly helicopters.

Asylum Visitor and Bloodhall Priest are our later-game cards. Visitor gives us extra cards once we're in topdeck mode, and Bloodhall is just fukkin' huge. Instant-speed upgrading your tapped 1/1 to a 4/4 blocker during combat is a good time. Bonus points if your hand is empty and you get to nug 'em for two.

I don't think I need to explain Thermo-Alchemist a whole lot. You tap him before casting a burn spell, and it gets better. Hooray! Note that it gets a little wacky with Collective Brutality. Tap Thermo -> Cast Brutality and Escalate a Madness spell -> Thermo untaps -> Tap Thermo -> Cast Madness spell -> Thermo untaps -> resolve Brutality. Also Thermo can shoot Planeswalkers if you ever need to finish one off. He both slices and dices.

Special delivery! (psst, it's a lightning bolt)
Lil' Box-bot was one of the cards from Kaladesh that I was most excited for during spoiler season. Brobot hasn't quite lived up to my initial hype, but he's still a great little dude. All in all, he helps to fill the exact role as Neonate - early damage, flies our Copties, and is annoying to deal with. The biggest issue is that it costs R to sacrifice him, so early in the game your opponent can deal with him while you're unable to take advantage of his ability. But if you manage to hide four or more cards in him and sac it while Madness-ing something from your hand, you're in great shape.

Don't be afraid to just pop one if your hand is weak. I've discarded a few shitty four card hands in order to get a crack at just two cards. It doesn't feel great, but that's life. Not great.

Spells and shit:

Creatures are cool or whatever, but more often than not you're going to be winning by whipping a card at their face. I mean, don't literally do that, because Magic players are fragile. This deck has an incredible amount of reach, and I often find myself just shrugging and going upstairs with everything when they still have a double digit life total and some threats on board. It works every time*.

*It does not.

In my head-canon, that man actually has a snake bite and the vampire is trying to save his life by sucking out the venom.
Alms of the Vein and Fiery Temper are without a doubt the cornerstones of this deck. They are our most efficient burn spells when cast with Madness, and make cards like Neonate, Copter, Key to the City, Collective Brutality, and any of our other discard outlets into efficient machines.

I admit that Alms with Madness isn't quite Lightning Helix, since it exclusively hits players, but it's trying its best, and my mom said that's important. Temper on the other hand can hit creatures and planeswalkers, so keep that in mind. Be sure to do some math to see if it's worth it to kill a threat, or if it's going to win you the game to just start throwing everything upstairs.

Incendiary Flow can be chucked at their life total more often than not, but the exile ability is a game changer in some matchups. Permanently getting rid of a Scrapheap Scrounger or Gisela is massive, and it helps you to avoid fueling the G/B Delirium machine.

I get the names of this one and the red one mixed up 100% of the time.
This card makes me rock hard. How could you not love this brutal shit?  Every mode of this card is money, and it gives us a spectacular discard outlet. It pairs particularly well when casting a Madness spell when you have a Thermo-Alchemist on the field, letting you untap from both the casting of Brutality and the Madness spell, as I outlined with a gratuitous use of arrows earlier.

Copter is here because Copter is dumb in any deck, but ultra-dumb when half of your deck has Madness. We only run three because we really don't have a ton of pilots for it. This also gives us room to put in a Key to the City, which is amazing in this deck for reasons I bet you can figure out (discard = good? I think), and a Lightning Axe just in case.

Fancy Land!

Any time I read this card I get that stupid Metallica song stuck in my head.
This land is neato. So as you can guess, improving their hand isn't the best idea, but don't dismiss this outright. Often times this ends up being pure card advantage for you. You both draw, they discard a card, but since your deck is straight up mad, you often get to Madness out a spell, putting you up a card on them. Not a bad deal. By the time you hit the amount of mana to be able to activate this and cast a spell off of it, you'll typically be pretty close to top decking.  I would definitely activate this if your hand is empty and you have nothing to do with your mana - there's a real chance that you can flip up a Fiery Temper or Alms of the Vein and pop 'em.

The only time I'd avoid using this is if you have a solid lead, and have the tools in hand/on the table to close out the game. There's no need to improve the opponents hand for the fuck of it.

Budget Concerns:

As you can see by looking at the decklist, well over 50% of the cost of the deck is from three stupid Smuggler's Copters and dual lands. Ouch. Mercifully, Smuggler's Copter is replaceable in this particular list. Remove the three copters, and then add in a second Key to the City in the mainboard. Depending on your store's meta, you can then add in Lightning Axe if it's creature-heavy, or Cryptolith Fragment if there are more slower decks.

I LOVE playing draft chaff in my constructed decks.
Ramping up our mana a bit lets us cast more impressive Collective Brutalities, activate our Geier-Reach Sanitariums, and generally just be much more doper. Making them lose one is a big deal too, and if this ever flips and survives, hooray, they will probably die soon. My original build of this deck actually ran three of these instead of Copter (since I didn't own any) and it still did great.

Then, naturally, replace the dual lands with an even split of basics, maybe heavier on Mountains if you're adding in Lightning Axes. Swapping out those few cards takes almost $60 off the price tag of this deck, leaving us at a cushy $40 or so. Collective Brutality is the only other pricy card, but it is integral to the deck. Luckily it's seeing play in eternal formats, so you won't totally lose your cash when it rotates.

Playin' the dick deck and sideboard:

Often times this deck can totally ignore the opponent as you just grind at their life as fast as possible. There are a few key interactions with each of the major decks that are worth noting, and some simple play adjustment can massively improve your chances.

This is your best matchup without a doubt. Turns out that they have a rough time racing an asston of cheap life-gain spells. Be sure to leverage your Collective Brutalities by using the -2/-2 mode to kill of threats. The drain two mode is also exceptional, as it furthers your game plan while hampering theirs without going out of your way at all. Occasionally you'll want to use the pseudo-Duress mode if you have an active Thermo-Alchemist on the table and are worried about Harnessed Lightning, but typically the other two are what you'll want.

Out of the board you'll be looking for things like Weaver of Lightning and Sinister Concoction. Concoction is a dope way of taking out a Copter even through Depala/Veteran Motorist pumps, and it gives us yet another cheap discard option. Weaver kills stuff and blocks, which is cool. I sometimes side out a few Thermos for Weaver, since we can typically just grind them out by using our Weaver triggers as removal as we focus on their life. You can also drop Incendiary Flow, since it's bad against Copter, but be sure to keep it in if they're black-based and running Scroungers, Amalgams, Haunted Dead, or some combination of the bunch.

More than likely, this will be the matchup where you just ignore everything and try to shoot them. Remove problematic permanents like Grim Flayer or anything with Lifelink, but otherwise I'd aim everything up top. When Grim Flayers are 2/2's, they're probably better off being exiled by Incendiary Flow. Git 'em when the gittin's good.

For your sideboarded games, I'd almost always bring in the big bad Flame Lash.

The only thing I like more than draft chaff is intro-deck chaff.
This is a lot of damage, and even better with a Thermo (4+1 > 4). Transgress and Lost Legacy are also good, particularly if they have something like Linvala in a big white build, or a deck with Noxious Gearhulk that will enter the field and gain them enough life to get out of reach. Lightning Axe could also be put in your board if there are a bunch of Kalitas floating around your store.

This has varied wildly for me so far. If they stumble at all, you typically win, but if they get the right answers at the right time, it feels like you have absolutely no chance. Be careful to not run a Copter into Blessed Alliance, avoid over-extending into Fumigate, and you should pull through.

Big expensive dudes like Bloodhall Priest aren't amazing here, since by the time you can cast her they'll have the mana for counter magic, and she doesn't offer any immediate advantage. Key to the City and Bedlam Reveler can help you keep a stream of cards going once the early game is over, and surprisingly, Call the Bloodline is absurd. Getting a 1/1 lifelink and being able to play most of your deck at instant speed is a massive payoff, and eventually they have to deal with the annoying token.

RACE 'EM. Honestly, not a lot to see here. You have no way of interacting with Aetherworks Marvel, and them gaining life with an Aetherflux Reservoir just sort of sucks. Often you'll be able to melt them before these take over the game, but it really just depends on you getting a decent combination of burn and creatures. Thermo-Alchemist is an all-star here, amping up our burn.

Transgress is your best bet, and Lost Legacy is pretty sweet to get rid of Emrakul or Ulamog. Flame Lash gives you a huge burn spell to help you close, but sometimes they Emrakul you and sort of... shoot you with it. Not the best. Swim at your own risk.

That's it, yo.  This deck is a blasty blast, and I recommend giving it a whirl. You'll definitely get some free wins with it - a lot of people are only packing answers for creature-based aggro, so sometimes they just gently weep as they watch their life spin down to oblivion. You reach out your hand after the match to say "Good game," and they reply with the same, but their heart just isn't in it. They walk out into the parking lot, light up a cigarette and wonder what went wrong. "G/B Delirium is the best deck, how did I lose to Flame Lash?" They muse aloud as they gaze through the store's windows to watch their friends finish the next 40 minutes of the round. Congratulations. You have broken a man. Enjoy your 3 packs of prize support, hope it was worth it, you monster.

Like to feel the bern? Have your own variation that you wanna share with us? Don't believe in the Standard powerhouse that Cryptolith Fragment truly is? Let us know! Drop a comment or send a message to us using the form off to the right. Alternatively, hop on twitter to spew vitrol at us @Heavy_Salami!