Quick Update

Gaige here. I just want to apologize for the lack of content. I was going to try to get you a shitty WtW post that would just be a shorter and condensed version but after looking at the article it was even shorter-er and condensed-er than I thought it would be. It was bad. Real bad. Me trying to play Magic bad. So rather than write something that tries to be an article but is really just letting you know I'm alive, I'm writing this. Yes I am alive, yes I am in Kentucky, yes I am stuck in a factory, no this state nor this factory does not have internet. I apologize, but if you really want more content get more people to read this so Dan and I can do this full time and make content for you non-stop. Check back next Wednesday. We'll at least have on article by then. Or we might not. Maybe by next week we'll at least get you some pictures to look at. We can find out together.

Eternal Masters, Innistrad Art, New Standard Decks, and more!

Hello people, it's Dan! Just wanted to do a quick post to give you guys an update of what's going on with team Heavy Salami, and why we've been quiet.

So summer has officially started here in Michigan, and the temperature mostly skipped the 60's and 70's (20 C, for our Canadian friends) and gone right into the 80's (I assume that's something above 20 C). This has lead to me doing something that I really don't do often. I've been outside.

Oh god, what is that thing?

I mean, I've still been playing a stupid amount of Magic, I just do it on my porch now. But sudden outdoor activities for me, Gaige is out of town for work, and the two of us are travelling to a music festival this weekend, so we haven't had much time to put up content. But don't worry - we plan on coming back hard. Literally. I'm just going to give you a quick rundown of some of the things we have in the works. So get ready, cause this salami is about to get heavy.


Eternal Masters:

Coming up in another week or so we have the release of Eternal Masters. This is a set for rich kids that contains only reprints of cards used in the old formats, like Legacy and Vintage. The packs are expensive, the cards are expensive, and you'll probably open a 50 cent rare in every pack cause you have shit luck. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever; either way, I plan on drafting it, and Gaige and I are going to write up a review looking at some of the best cards in the set to be used casually. Namely in Wizard's Tower, but we'll also look at any dank EDH or casual tribal cards to keep an eye out for. As usual, we'll be sure to point out cool budget options, even though a lot of this set is the exact opposite of budget.

The perfect budget card for your tower.

SoI Art Review: 

Spoiler alert: Topplegeist will probably be at the top of Gaige's list. But there is a lot of good art in SoI, ranging from the brutal To the Slaughter (RIP Gossamer) to the mighty Gitrog frog. We're going to peek at some of our favorites, and possibly even have some wonderful alters that we've done to accompany them.



Budget Standard decks:

What, you thought we were done? You thought that Harness the Storm/Chaplain's Blessing/Felidar Sovereign lifegain combo was the jankiest we could do? You insult us. Gaige and I both have just a wealth of terrible decisions floating around in our substance-addled minds, and we would love to share them with you. Here's just a taste of what decks the two of us have been testing with surprisingly good results:

Dan:

You haven't lived until you've killed an Avacyn with Molten Vortex.

Gaige:

Attach directly to opponent to make a 1/1 Salt token.

Salami in the Future:

In the future, you can just pop on your VR headset and load up whichever Dan or Gaige program you'd like, and have us do whatever you want. Anything. But until then, you just kind of read stuff we write. Well, we'd like to give you some more options. Gaige is actually a film major, so we're looking to exploit that and get some good footage of local tournaments, drafts, and deck testing up on here. Still a ways out, but you know, make a mental note that you'll be able to add those to your spank bank.

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Sorry I don't have more for you now, folks. I'm busy figuring how much tax we owe the state of Montana. It's a lot. But after that, we look forward to getting some more nonsense out to you, and we love each and every one of you in a gross, primal sort of way.

Gaige: I'm sorry friends, I've been in Alabama all week for work and although the hotel I was staying had technically had internet, I could only open google chrome to confirm I did in fact have internet and that was about all it was good for. Sorry there was no Wizad's Tower post this week but that will return next Wednesday and we'll be talking about all the things Dan has mentioned above

Wanna talk about stuff? You can leave a comment, I guess. I'll allow it. In fact, I'll encourage it.

Who is writing this bullshit?

Dan - Builds decks with more triggers than a Tumblr post

Hello, it is me, Dan. I am a twenty something dork who plays games and drinks too much. I often do that while playing Magic, so I feel like it's important to mention it and get it out of the way right now. My favorite hamburger toppings include Cheese, and Crispy Onion Straws. Red Robin has the best ones, but Applebees' aren't bad either.

I started playing Magic: The Gathering when I was about 8. I stopped when I was about 9, because my cousin was a dick and kept playing for ante and taking all my good cards, because I was an 8 year old and was shit. I started playing again last year, and have gotten pretty into it.

Why am I qualified to co-run a Magic blog? Well, mainly because blogs are free and I'm able to type. As for Competitive Magic experience, I don't mean to brag, but I've won two or three FNMs. I had a good deck during Theros, and once that rotated, I went back to being shitty. Other games I play include League of Legends (I hate it but I can't stop), World of Tanks, and any game with space in it.

I went to college once at Grand Valley State University, got a degree, and promptly tucked it away to never use it again as I pursued careers that were not in my field. Right now I'm an Alcoholic Accountant, and it's ok I guess.

I hope you guys enjoy the blag, and feel free to let me know if there's anything you'd like for us to talk about. I don't guarantee we'll do it, but hey, who knows.

Gaige - Just a green mage living in a blue mage's world

I started playing Magic in 5th grade when this asshole Colin decided at the end of the school year that Magic was cooler than Pokémon. I went and bought a pre-built deck, but before I could learn how to play, the school year ended and I moved to a different school. I happened to find a group of degenerates at my new school who all played Magic, and then I officially learned how to play.

Am I qualified to talk about competitive Magic? Let me answer that with my typical FNM record: 3-2. Am I qualified to talk about casual magic? Definitely not, but I love the game and want to spread that love to all of the five or so people that accidentally end up here.

Strengths: Opening good cards in boosters, building sub-par decks with flavor, talking louder than my opponent, using cards incorrectly, going to time on game 2, drinking in the parking lot in between rounds.

Weaknesses: Drawing lands, remembering triggers, tapping lands correctly, Siege Rhinos, knives.