Wednesday, July 20, 2016

There's No Chaos Like Bro Chaos

My visual representation of chaos
What's up you Philistines? It's Gaige here to look up cards so you don't have to. Some Wednesday ago we talked about this super dope chaos list in this article. We're gonna continue on that list in this article. If you are lost on what we're talking about, check out here for our breakdown of how to play the best format in Magic. If you are physically lost call your parents to come get you and tell them you were kidnapped and not that you took a wrong turn while chasing after Pokemon. Now sit back, read on, and wait for your parents to show up with your tendies.

This is also a good time to say that although I try and make sure to not repeat cards, it's going to start happening. I try and provide you with the new cards you want to know about that you can throw in your tower, but I also have this direct conflict of me being lazy. We're gonna get to a point where I don't look through every card to make sure I don't repeat them. Maybe one day I'll make an excel sheet and can keep track of cards that way, but today is not that day. I think this week is all new cards.


"Cut the child in half and let both mother's have a piece" "But I'm a full grown man and my mother is dead" "IN HALF!"
This card is a bit hit or miss, but I'd hope you would have a fair amount of enchantments and artifacts in your deck to just always keep things interesting. This can get rid of terrible world enchantments, or you can make the table hate you by getting rid of the thing letting everyone draw. This is also a may ability so if you like everything on the field you can just chill until someone plays something you hate. If you really want you can play this for 3 and then just to use it to get rid of itself because you're a wild card. You be the judge on whether you have enough enchantments and artifacts to make it worth it. I vote yes. I vote if you say no then fix that. I vote for more Tibalt and less Jace. Shaughnessy 2016.

Turns out in the MTG universe, whispers is another word for arrows
This is one of those enchantments that is not only perfect as a card for Wizard's Tower but also a perfect target for the above mentioned card. This card not only makes creatures never truly die, but makes things super silly and weird and if there is one way to build a tower it's as silly and weird as possible. Imagine a fully stocked board and then a board wipe. Now get ready to groove as you do a the wizard shuffle and just start passing out creatures to whoever you want. I won't blame you if you pass out creatures by "making it rain" because we both know you won't ever get a chance to do that anywhere else.

This isn't a wave a genesis, but just a dude name Genesis waving
This is another card that could potentially be too good but if you try and tell me that I'll just tell you that you built your tower wrong. So let's say you hit this perfectly mid game, you can get 5 cards that cost 5 or less on the battlefield (assuming mid game is turn 8). That's annoying but you should have some ways to deal with that hopefully through a board wipe or by just flipping the table and giving your opponent the finger. If you get this late game you can potentially get 9 cards with converted mana cost 9 or less, which will be about anything in your deck, but that would be in a perfect situation. They also have the chance to whiff and get mostly instants or sorcerys, or get really shitty small things. If they play this too early maybe they don't get to keep some of the bigger things. No matter what it will be super fun and will pair great with this next card.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "Shut up Kevin, we're all thinking the same thing"

This is another card that as I write about, I am purchasing a foil one from Amazon. This card is just so awesome. This card has some of the best Wizard's Tower elements: it gets everyone involved, it makes copies of things that will create horrifying situations, it makes you think twice before casting spells, and it lets you pick new targets. Kill spells become riskier, buff spells become more interesting, and things like Harmless Offering just become even more awesome. There are so many cards that would go so well with this I can't even begin to name them all. Just go get this. Go get it right now and slap in your tower. You won't regret it. Well you might one game. Maybe a couple of games, but even as you accidentally give everyone a kill spell, you'll be laughing at what people do with it. And that's what Wizard's Tower is really about: killing things with friends and laughing about it.

I just found out my worst fear is being melted by a lightning tornado

Oh look at that. It even has chaos right in the name, how fitting. Now if you just never want control over the game again, this and Hive Mind make the perfect combo. Everyone gets a copy of every instant and sorcery spell that is cast, however if it targets a single target no one gets to pick what their spell targets anymore. Just buff random things and hope one of them was yours. Pretend like you have a board wipe when you have a single kill spell. Play the hunger games and see who can survive a -x/-x spell. The possibilities are endless. Even alone the idea of every spell being re-directed to something random really tickles my fancy. I want to get a foil of this as well but I'm trying to show some self control.


Well I bought a foil one of these and a handful of expedition lands. I'll work on self control later and maybe with something like food. Considering I just ate like 300 chicken nuggets from Chic-Fil-a food may not be the best thing to practice self control with either. Now before you go correcting my spelling, know that I spell Chic-Fil-a like this because it sounds like a rich people clothing store that also sells nuggers. I'll find some way to practice self control. Maybe.

Well thanks for checking back in with us and seeing that we did in fact not forget about you and do have another article. Check back in a couple of days for somethings more relevant than Wizard's Tower. Maybe you'll find two somethings relevant. I would tell you how many things you can expect but I will also be checking back to find out myself. Good luck out there and just remember: Everyone is a good Magic player during Wizard's Tower.

Tired of seeing this every Wednesday? Want to tell us about your double triple copy redirect? Want to tell us about your recent chicken experience? Let us know in the comments or with a kindly worded message? Can't get enough salami? Check out our twitter over at...well...twitter.

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