Wednesday, July 06, 2016

A Full Moon for a Full Tower

In darkest day, in moonest night, beware spaghetti of Sailor's might
Although all of Eldritch Moon has yet to be spoiled, Gaige is here to tell you what's up and what cards from this beautiful new set you should add to your tower when you pull them and don't know what else to do with them. Some of these might see play in some other formats for a bit but ultimately may do nothing. I will try and force all of these cards at some point but end game these will all find their way into my tower as well. I already have a favorite for every color so get ready for some moons over my hammy and some cards over your body. Oh yeah, if you don't know what Wizard's Tower is check here to learn about how you can slowly lose skill in Magic overtime. If you don't know what Magic is then I'm sorry you have become so cynical that there are no longer unicorns or narwhals in your life.

Innistrad needs a Smoky the Bear to prevent things like this
I like this card and it's silly but as far as a card in Wizard's Tower, it's pretty situational if it will become a land or be played. If it's in the starting hand someone will reveal it for that sweet 26 life but may turn it down as a land immediately after. It's not that getting to seven mana is any sort of difficult feat, but some people may want to keep other things in their hand over this. If it's pulled late game, there is little reason to not play it. Who doesn't like just jumping up to above your starting life total? I know I don't, but that's because I will be running a triskaidekaphobia deck where I get myself to 13 life so that I have the satisfaction of knowing that my opponent didn't actually kill me. Also, I like the flavor of this card too because it references that old 80's movie 26 candles. "Do you mean 16 candles?" I might mean that. I haven't seen it, but who would want to watch a movie about a 16 year old? The 80's were a weird time I guess.

"I think it's best we leaf this place"
Ignoring this card's ability for a second, a 0/13 is pretty silly on it's own. It's hard to get any damage in early when this card can just block everything you have other than that 1/2 flyer. You can poke them every turn but if you do that they'll just put you at 13 life and make their tree a 0/20. I don't really have a lot to say on this one. It's pretty straight forward. The concept is, but that tree is in no way straight or forward. It's a giant tree that blocks small to medium sized things. It can make itself bigger and your opponent's life smaller. These are all hilarious things that enforce the fact that it should be in your Wizard's Tower. Also it's a tree and whenever trees are cards it makes me smile because I like to picture a bunch of creatures just fighting a tree and losing. I got in a fight with a tree once and I lost that fight. Turns out trees have a mean roundhouse.

How can wings be real if mirrors aren't real?
If there are dragons on Innistrad why the hell do the people have issues with any other creature? Just grab the dragon and be all "Hey yo, dragon, I've got some treasure you can sit on but first light all those zombies and other spooky things on fire." Plus his wings are made of mirrors so he can see how awesome he looks as he destroys all the undead. I get that people like dragons and people like Innistrad but this is the wrong flavor for me. "What flavor is it?" It's whatever flavor that co-worker eats who has awful breath and insists on standing right in your face when he talks to you. This can make for some real interesting interactions. I target this to destroy it and wipe my board. I give this trample, and all my guys get trample. If you have any form of single target spells (which if you don't, start over from square one on your tower) this card will be awesome for someone. Hopefully it's awesome for you.

Is infinite wisdom worth becoming part spaghetti?
Since there are no lands in your tower, this is right on the edge of being too good, but I give it the official Heavy Salami seal of approval. Although you get a free spell anytime an opponent plays their first spell, you are now everyone's number one target. If no one has any way to deal with this card directly, then they will just deal with you and make sure you die so that this card also dies. Plus even with this on board, what's to say that you want to cast everything that is revealed. Like any other good science, Magicology will need some testing and recorded results to theorize hypothetically about cards. What I'm saying is that when I get my hands on this I will try to force it in Standard and after that doesn't work I will try it in Wizard's Tower and see how it plays out. Feel free to try it in Wizard's Tower first and let us know your results, for science.

Me after eating
Now this card was spoiled today and this is already my favorite card of the set. It's a 1 drop 1/3 which is like a more annoying Jaddi Offshoot, with the added bonus that anything that accidentally touches it also becomes it. Use combinations of fight spells, flying spells, and pump spells to make it big enough and flying enough to block anything and everything. Turn the board into a giant stalemate as everyone has 1/3 spirits that turns anything else into a 1/3 spirit. Now you have to hope that someone has a board wipe not because someone has a scary board state, but because everyone has the same board state and at this point it's just better to start over. It reminds me of that time where a girl at a party made out with everyone there and everyone got sick. I mean she didn't make out with me but I still got sick because she just sneezed in my face.

Well I hope you enjoyed this weeks edition of "Bad cards finding a home." Dan and I both will have some more articles coming up with some more silly ideas for decks and bad advice for Magic in general.

Think I should have waited for full spoilers before talking about EMN? Think other EMN cards would be better? Have you too suffered a case of permeating mass? Let us know with a comment or message.

1 comment:

  1. As soon as I saw Permeating Mass, I knew I had to break it in standard at least.
    Flash it in with Rattlechains, give it reach/first strike, Assault Formation, all of this stuff is hilarious with Permeating Mass.