Tuesday, June 07, 2016

What to Expect in Eldritch Moon

Hello again mages. It's been a while. Gaige here with some exciting news. When magic groups like ourselves start to make a name for ourselves we start to get some perks in the Magic community. Something like an exclusive peek at what's coming in Eldritch Moon. Too bad Heavy Salami isn't actually making a name for itself and no one in the Magic community knows who we are so we have no sneak peeks at anything. Instead I will be using my expert knowledge of Magic and complex math formulas (random guessing) to give you a preview of some cards we can expect to see in Eldritch Moon.

WARNING: Spoilers Ahead! Actually no. I have no spoilers. Just some jokes and bad analogies so feel free to read on ahead. 

If you're not ready to move forward yet check out Dan's art review for some more Shadows Over Innistrad discussion.

Here is what to expect in the next set:

That really big card everyone will try to build a ramp deck around but ultimately won't make top 8

Definitely not Emrakul

Something is making Innistrad lose it's mind and it's big. No one knows what though. And by no one knows, I mean it's Emoonkul. So here is the last eldrazi titan slappin' it's tentacles on anything it can touch. It's big and is weaker from some story related reason to give it a flavorful 13/13 power and toughness. When you play in the pre-release you won't pull one but everyone you play against will have at least one. One person will have both a regular and foil version and the first person you play will have pulled a play set in their sealed box. It'll be impossible to deal with and almost impossible to play but they will somehow draw it and play it every game. Good luck against this. For standard everyone will try a titan ramp deck and it'll win some and lose some, but it won't be truly competitive. It'll be super spooks though.

That really mediocre red burn spell

The Slap and the Furious: 2 Hot 2 Handle

You love playing red and you know this time you'll finally get that red burn spell that just puts the black removal spell to shame. Spoiler season comes around and everyday your keyboard gets a little grosser from the hand sweats of anticipation. All spoilers are released and there it is. The red burn spell that is super mediocre. Obviously you're going to force red and try and find a way to break this burn spell but you can't do it. You can use this to change your UR control deck but it won't make it better, just different. It will see lots of play in limited but that's only because it will be your only removal you have to work with. That doesn't make it good. Maybe Kaladesh, the home of a red planeswalker will have good burn. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...... Maybe one day.....

The silly mythic blue spell that everyone wants to play but isn't good

It's like they say: don't put all your eggs in one plane.

First off let's touch on the flavor of this card and my prediction for the future story. Long ago Emrakul left Zendikar and laid an egg in Innistrad as a sort of insurance plan. This egg was their moon. Now that Ulamog and Kozilek are gone, Emrakul is making a pass through Innistrad to hatch her egg and make a baby eldrazi titan which she will take with her to some hidden plane to nurse and help it grow up to eat everything. Now you still have two spooky eldrazi and the threat isn't gone. Maybe she'll even have twins so we can have a happy family of three again.

Now onto the card itself. This mythic blue is the only mythic you'll get in your sealed pool so you think "yeah I'll run blue and something else." Then you look at the rest of your pool and you realize you only have 4 blue cards counting this one. So do you run it? Of course you do. It's too janky not to and that one time you finally get to cast this will feel better than any physical contact with a person ever could. Prepare your body to pull 30 or so of these $1.50 mythics while you only get one copy of the $20 rare you need to complete your standard deck. You could also use this in combination with the mediocre red burn spell for some weird UR control that will do something sometimes, and only sometimes.

That $20 super good rare that will be in every deck but you'll only pull one of

Not a blatant copy past of Always Watching

It's hard to play standard when you're donating plasma just to buy a couple booster packs and everyone else has eight copies of this card in each of their four standard decks. To go along with that, you will never pull this card. That guy who pulled that giant in limited? He'll also pull this. To be fair though, price is determined by demand. Every set has to have some good cards, but you don't have to. It's good that you don't have access to cards of this level anyways because we all know that it's really only your budget that's holding you back from being pro. Well sometimes your opponent just gets lucky. Sometimes you get land stuck. Sometimes you get flooded. But you're definitely pro material with you consistent 3-2 record, it's just a lack of this card holding you back.

A flavorful but odd win condition

Thirteen was the win condition last time so this time it's fifteen

I don't even know if clues are still gonna be in Eldritch Moon. If they're not, it makes this card all the better of a roundabout win condition. It would be on flavor though because as this story finishes and all the clues are rounded up, the planeswalkers solve the mystery and "win." That's why this card works on so many levels. It makes you think and it's also definitely not under-powered or easy to kill. Now you would think this card would maybe produce clues so you don't just have a dead in the water 1/2 if you have no clues. That would be too good. This needs to be janky, on flavor, and almost playable to a point of where you want to try it even though you know it ultimately won't work.

A new black removal spell that will only see play in limited

Land octopus incoming

"This card art doesn't make sense. Emrakul is a skydrazi" Yeah well they're fighting on the moon and the moon is in the sky, "But how do humans get on the moon?" I don't know, magic probably. Back to the card itself, obviously there will be a black removal spell in the new set. There has to be removal for limited play. The difference being that rather than being a reprint or something standard playable we'll get an uncommon removal spell with some sort of weird set back that doesn't have too much effect since anytime you play black you'll run as many of these as you can get your hands on. And any you can get your hands on are yours to keep since no one wants their cards back after you've smudged cool ranch dorito dust all over them. I get that it adds a nice "mom's basement" scent to your deck but all the little ranch specs are going to cause bumps in your card sleeves and then you'll get accused of marking your cards. This won't be a bad card but it won't be terribly great either. It will be a nice budget removal spell for standard.

Some vampire with the new mechanic

When a vampire doesn't get married it becomes a crazy bat person

With everyone losing their mind in Innistrad, it only makes sense that madness descends into insanity. It'll be a new neat mechanic that rather than good over all, will just make some cards insane. You'll try to build a vampire insanity/madness deck and everyone will tell you how much they love the idea, but that is just their nice way of letting you know your deck blows. How do I know this? Everyone says they love the flavor of my deck and anytime I build a deck it usually blows. You'll still have a fun new mechanic that will be great for both Standard and limited and maybe a couple other formats.

Final thoughts: With Eldritch Moon just over a month away we have a lot to look forward to. These are just some small examples of things to come. It's going to be a great set and hopefully this set has a great finish to this story.

I'm also using this article as my portfolio for my job application at Wizards. These cards are great examples of how I could be valuable to both the R&D and the art team. You can have these cards for free Wizards, but my next ones I'm gonna have to charge you for.

Want to tell us what you expect to see? Want to share your hype for the next set? Are you MaRo and you want to send me a job offer? Leave a comment or send us a message! Also, check out our Heavy Salami Twitter for constant updates about stupid things we do!


  1. "But how do humans get on the moon?" I don't know, magic probably.

    1. I mean, we've never done it before, so maybe it isnt even possible >.>

  2. Spooky spagooter tribal!!!

  3. Funny stuff! Thanks for the entertainment!

    1. Glad you enjoyed it bruh, hope we can make more for ya.

  4. I would just like to point out that you not only predicted Emrakul's stats 13/13 for 13, but also the set symbol. Well done!

    1. Aw hell yeah, where do we collect our prize

  5. that emrakul is pretty damn spot on you magnificent genius

  6. Now that the entire set has been revealed, it's...spooky...how accurate you were. But then again, wizards has fallen into a pattern lately, haven't they.

    Here they are, in order:
    Emrakul, the Promised End
    Spreading Flames
    Mind's Dilation
    Eldritch Evolution
    Tree of Perdition (when used with Triskaidekaphobia)
    Ruthless Disposal
    Voldaren Pariah

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