Sunday, June 19, 2016

Sunday Funday: How to Spend Your Bulk Commons

Just pretend those dollar bills are commons. I didn't feel like photoshopping this.

Oh, hello! Didn't see you there. Well, you crazy Magic followers, I have something a bit different for you today. Gaige here, and if you're anything like me you are helping to keep Wizard's of the Coast in business. Rather than pay 40$ for the one card I need I'd rather buy a booster box for $100 so that I can whiff and not get the card I need and then spend another $50 in boosters until I finally get what I'm looking for. But there is just something about opening boosters that makes me all tingley. That thrill of shuffling through 14 cards to see what the 15th card is and see if I care about it. And then there's the smell. OH THE SMELL! If you don't know what I'm talking go out and buy a pack right now and crack that shit and take a whiff. It smells beautiful and kind of like my childhood.

Now after I buy all these boosters I just have a butt ton of commons that I don't know what to do with and I'm sure you do as well. I'm gonna help spend those commons. "Do you mean use commons?" Did I fucking stutter? No I'm gonna help you spend your commons and give you some ideas on how to do so. 

This is definitely not a cube. It's a rectangular prism.

One of the most common (heh) ways to spend your commons is to build a cube so that you can play with your old commons in a draft environment that you've created. If you have lot's of commons but not a lot of rares to support your booster packs, do a peasant cube where each booster has 13 or 14 commons and your "rare" is actually just one or two uncommons in the pack. It will give you the ability to build a cube on a budget and use all your commons while also giving you a very unique draft environment. With no rares it can really bump up the power level of the commons and the uncommons that are in each booster. Those really bad kill spells become good all of a sudden and some creatures will finally see play. Let that fugitive wizard finally make it into your blue aggro deck. That card needs some love.

I love medieval pictures because you can never really tell whats going on
Get all the commons you have together and build as many Pauper decks as you can. For those of you that don't know, Pauper is a format where decks only have commons. Then host a tournament of the poor. It's like a tournament of kings but it consists of a lot less people and a lot less physical activity. To really get that pauper feel have everyone bring stale bread and dirty water. You might also want to grab some moldy heads of lettuce to throw at the loser. So grab some friends and some food you found on the street and host a big pauper tournament. Have everyone pull one of your already built pauper decks from a hat or a handkerchief tied at the end of a stick, and let the fun begin. Use any remaining commons to make a pauper trophy that the winner gets at the end of the tournament. Host regular tournaments and have the trophy holder defend their title. Then at the end of each tournament, whoever holds the trophy has bragging rights until the next tournament.

Look how much land it cost to cast this table
If you're tired of playing with your cards and you want to get crafty make a sweet Magic table with a surface made of commons and tokens and whatever other cool things you have lying around. Maybe combine bottlecaps if you drink or the wraps that go around fat packs. Sprinkle some glitter, sniff some glue, turn it into a whole day thing. Maybe just get wasted and cover the table surface in adhesive and start throwing stuff at it and whatever sticks is your new table decorations. If you want to be meticulous about it and try to create something like the picture above but on a budget, glue the cards down in the pattern you want then use Modge-Podge over top. Use polyurethane or lacquer if you have a little bit of extra spending money that you don't want to use buying more cards.

A correct shape for a draft
If you don't have some sort of base table shape to create the actual table, just start gluing cards together until you start to make a table like shape. Rather than spend the money on wood and a real table just make legs out of piles of cards and make a table top by laying the cards out flat. I dunno what else to say about this. Make a table or make whatever this monstrosity is. It's almost a table. It could be with enough commons. 

We've hit the motherload
Staying on the arts and crafts boat, use your commons to make some of this bullshit. I have no idea what any of them are other than the earrings. That one in the upper left is a book I guess. Then next to that is some danglers. A Da Vinci helicopter is on the left side middle, then an action figure, and then a box, The bottom left is just a card with a ribbon attached. That's not even a craft. I guess if you're bored just punch holes in your cards and tie ribbons in them. Then call it crafting. Maybe connect them together and put them in your doorway like these: 

Now you have some hippy doorway noiseless chimes so that everyone can watch you poop and you can watch your cards spin in the wind. Although if you did this as an entrance to your Magic cave and threw some pillows on the ground you could get some Magic palace thing going on so when you have your pauper tournament you actually feel like a prince. 

It's beautiful but I don't like to think about how much time this took
Now if you just have way more commons and way more time than you know what to do with, and also own property, you can dedicate the rest of your life to something beautiful. I like to think that when I have a house I'll do this in my basement but what would probably happen is that I'll lay down 20 or so cards and then just throw sealer over the rest of the floor and call it good. Maybe I'll paint a giant "M" before putting a clear coat down. It's pretty cool and I would love to see this everyday in my house, but I also don't want to hate my life for the months that this will take to finish. If you attempt this, I wish you luck and you are a braver person than I ever will be.

There is no joke here, only Temur. Because red, green, and blue. Get it?
If you've been having trouble with your boosters packs or your top decks, get all your friends together for a common burning party. Sacrifice all your cards to one of the gods of Theros or MaRo in hopes that they will send their blessing to you and give you better pulls and better tops decks. Feel free to also burn any junk rares or worthless foil mythics out of anger. Your anger and passion and cards all combined will turn into a beautiful smoke that's color will match your mage affinity. As the cards burn and you start to inhale the smoke loudly chant, "STORM AS A MECHANIC WILL COME BACK! STORM AS A MECHANIC WILL COME BACK!" With these words you will summon the great sages of Wizard's and they will grant you their blessing. Once you have their blessing go buy more boosters and know that Wizard's is looking down on you with a smile (because you spent more money on them).

Arnold: The orginal waifu
Use your cards to build a 1:1 scale model of your true love. They may not know you love them but that doesn't matter any more because not only do you have your own version of them, but you have a better version of them because your version is made entirely of Magic cards. You can make some candle holders out of the remaining cards that didn't end up being part of the body and you can light a candle for your lover every night. Roll up some length wise and light the end to create a magical incense that will spread that beautiful booster pack smell all throughout your room. You also now have a new friend you can play Magic with. If you ever have an odd number of people for any events you can bring out your cardboard sweetheart and give them a deck and see how they fare.

These guys have the right idea
If you're not ready to make a cardboard clone of your one true love and still want to do some romancing, then this next idea is for you. If you really want to show your crush that you are the one, let them know how rich and beautiful you really are. "Well how do I do that with Magic cards?" I'm glad you asked. Like the gentlemen pictured above, strip down and hop in your bathtub and cover your fun parts with some cards. We don't want to show them everything you have to offer just yet. Then start throwing cards around like they're nothing to you. If you replicate the above picture but using Magic cards, there is no way anyone could refuse you. Take a couple with you spread out on the bed laying on a pile of cards with just a little of your naughty bits showing. Get prints of your photo shoot and drop them off at your soon to be life partner's residence. "Why wouldn't we just send these via text?" It doesn't have the same effect as an anonymous envelope full of your best angles. 

If any of these real suggestions don't sound like something you would be interested in as a means of using your commons talk to your LGS. A lot of game stores will take bulk commons off your hands and hand them out to newer players who may not be able to regularly afford boosters. Junk commons may not seem like anything, but when you're seven or eight and someone just hands you a box with a couple hundred cards, it will make your day. Your LGS will also probably know of any middle schools or high schools that have active Magic clubs that may take some donations of cards to give to new members. There are plenty of people out there who would gladly take bulk boxes of cards. Even if you only donated half and used the other half for your sexy photo shoot it would still make someones (or several someones) day.

Want to show us how you used your commons? Want the salami blessing to help your odds when opening boosters? Need a photographer for your sexy photo shoot? Leave us a comment or send us a message.

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