Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Bringing Super Friends to the Fight

Hello addicts, it's Gaige with your weekly unsolicited article for Wizard's Tower Wednesday! Hope you're not too excited because today's article is going to be a bit different. If you missed last week we talked about some silly cards that will probably make the game go longer but will definitely have fun effects. If you are real confused by anything I've said so far and don't know what Wizard's Tower is then good luck I guess. You could take a minute to check out our introduction article on Wizards Tower so you can be more in the loop on everything we're about to talk about, but you better do it fast because we've got things to discuss and we're not going to wait for you just because you didn't do your homework.

Today's topic of discussion is going to be about some of the most sought after cards in Magic: Planeswalkers. You might be thinking "Wow, planeswalkers in a Wizard's Tower? That can't end well." You'd be right. It can't end well.

According to her hands, Liliana is actually a red mage.
"Yeah no shit one of the best planeswalkers is going to be a bad idea in Wizard's Tower." Well let me play devil's advocate. Someone plays this card. No one has no way to deal with it because it's only turn 3. Everyone just starts discarding cards. Someone finally gets some steam to combat Liliana and WHAM she -6 and destroys half their permanents. "Gaige do you know what devil's advocate means?" If I'm not allowed to use words that I don't know what they mean then this is going to be a short article. As you can see, putting in one of the best planewalkers in Wizard's Tower is a bad idea. Also, why would you put this $100+ card in your Wizard's Tower rather than a real deck. If your response was "Well I have just a couple extra Lili's lying around," then my response to that is that I hate you.

Let's look at a lesser planeswalker to see how it would fair in Wizard's Tower.

According to his hands, he has never touched a woman.
Ok, so he doesn't look too bad. He can be silly maybe. Everyone draws a card or have one person in particular draw a card. How is this too good? Well look at that -10. That's just not fun for anybody. How does just milling everyone's deck make Wizard's Tower better? "But I would never use his ult. I would only make people draw cards for the sillies!" Sure, even if you don't one day you'll play a game with some new person and they'll think it will be hilarious to just -10 after he has 30+ loyalty counters on him since everyone has been ignoring him all game for the extra card draw. All it takes is one dick to ruin this card.

A better depiction of Vraska.
Her +1 may seem to do nothing but when she gets big enough and it takes a couple creatures to kill her, she can take out several of your creatures or several creatures across multiple opponents. That -3 is also super good if you can get her to anything above 6. That is just two kills spells that can get rid of anything on the board. When you have a super fun enchantment on the board like Dictate of Kruphix but Vraska's controller has decided that drawing cards is over he can get rid of it. What about this fun scenario? Vraska is at 8 and they have Hammer of Purphoros on the field. Boardwipe. -7. Vraska's controller has just eliminate 3 people. Maybe you're ok with this, but it seems like a really dumb way to end the game.

She is a mystical double mermaid where the bottom half is a fish and the top half is a fish.

"Obviously she has to be ok. She enters on turn four at 2." Yeah dum dum but what about that ult? If they can defend it for 3 turns they probably just win. No matter how many boardwipes and kill spells your tower has, when they get a 9.9 every turn, it's going to be hard to deal with. Whoever has Kiora will just be Kraken skulls left and right and then the games over. Plus if they aren't going for the ult that extra land and card draw for a couple turns can be a bigger advantage in Wizard's Tower than any one person should have.

Goat Simulator: Theros
The mana can be a big advantage, and haste satyrs can also be annoying but once again the big no no is in the ult. We've talked before about how cards in Wizard's Tower need to be perfectly clear and his ult will not be. What is considered a land? Is nothing a land or is everything a land? This may seem straight forward to some, but having to explain this to every new person who tries to play this card is going to get old fast. 

Now I'm not your mom so I can't tell you what to do. If you think it'll be silly to put any of these cards in your tower then go for it. It may seem fun until you realize you have no way to deal with it and they have a huge board advantage. I will say that note we will leave you with


There are only two planeswalker that I would say are acceptable in a Wizard's Tower.

Sarkhan used reveal the top card, he hurt himself in confusion.
This angry dude is a pretty alright fit in a Tower. He is a planeswalker but he leaves the board faster than you can his first ability aloud. Since there is no way for Sarkhan to give himself more loyalty he isn't any sort of perpetual threat that makes you quit the game early because of how "lucky" your friend always gets in magic. His -4 will almost do nothing unless they happen to have some dragon's and his -2 and 0 will help you for a minute before he murders himself on the sharp edge of cardboard.

The planeswalker that was developed by a drunk R&D team.
As you might have guessed (or might not have because you are bad at guessing) Tibalt, the King of Planeswalkers, has found his home in the Wizard's Tower. Discarding a card at random is perfect for the tower. His -4 is severely underwhelming for a -4 and you need to randomly discard 2 cards to even get that online. His ult can be good if he manages to take a board full of creatures, but the likeliness of that happening is pretty slim. You can pretty much ignore Tibalt unless you really want him dead. He might help your opponent but he might not. He's in my tower and anytime someone gets to play him it's fun but not overbearing. He's a goddam wild card and he knows it.

Think other planeswalkers I didn't mention could work in a tower? Found another format for Tibalt? Want to show us your sweet Wizard's Tower you've built or started? Send us a message or leave a comment!


  1. I'd like to propose that instead of banning most planeswalkers, that you instead toss in a rule that you can't ult a planeswalker. You get more planeswalking goodness that way, with only a bit more degeneracy.

    1. But how will I get that sick Tibalt value?